Domino Not Rally (Games Junk Series #8)

100_3989.JPGThis is a game I never played, ever. I didn't think it was a game until a few a few years ago when a friend had a set of "Double 16" dominoes and taught me how to play.  Set 'em up, knock em' down. That's all I thought they were for. People gamble on these games! I suppose you can gamble on how soon a fly will land on your poo after taking one in the woods while camping with your drunken friends. Well, that's only a half right guess as I hate the camping. Biting bugs love me. If there is a mosquito within 500 yards with 50 people, I'll win the lucky itch bet. Okay, you can bet on anything.

100_3992.JPGAges 4 and up can be bored by this game. I don't like games where you're constantly doing math. Double 16 is a mess. It's a little easier if you play all the time and you're familiar with what the domino dot arrays look like. They make "number" dominoes for novice players like me, but I think that would be for 2 and up and have pictures of Big Bird's poo on them. Everybody poops. Everybody. Come on. These come packed in a handy tin. If you can fit your poo in this tin and close it up, you can take it to the nearest trash can without getting any poo on your fingers. What a nice way to package this sh*tty game. "How many do I need to play this double 14 tile and will my points result in me scoring? Can't we just set em' up and knock 'em down?"

100_3993.JPGThere. doesn't that look special? All the dominoes right in a nice box. Not a single dook in site, although some of the dots are brown... I got this set a few years back as a team building thing and one of my jobs. Our whole team got a set and it sat in my desk not doing what it was supposed to do for two years until I moved out of the desk. I don't even remember what these were to achieve? Team work? When we have a lot of work, line it all up and mow it all down? Who knows. They are nice thick dominoes anyway.

When I was younger, I wanted so bad to have a set of "Domino Rally" dominoes. I sat imagining all the crap I would build from this so I could be featured on "That's Incredible" and actually meet Cathy Lee Crosby. Imagine, a domino savant breaking bread with TV's talking head! I'd ask her what it was like to work with Regis and... oh, NOT THAT Cathy Lee.  Well, her breast would likely bump my lead domino and ruin hours of work. Turns out Domino Rally sets were smaller plastic dominoes, so it was like a sea monkeys or X-Ray specs to us young fudds. We believed all advertising in the back of comic books. We could get a genuine AM radio if we sold 100 boxes of greeting cards from the 50's.  Ahh, but they had a neat battery powered domino setter thingy. WTF good would that do on nappy 70's orange Berber?

100_3994.JPGAhhh, free the dominoes. Feeling like a pizza about now? They got a guy that builds pizza boxes really fast. They got an imaginary car that keeps your marginal ketchup on a cracker with "pork renderings and fungus" warm. Hey? I think one is trying to say something? It's muffled but I can make it out....

"I want to be free. Free of all of you pesky painted bitches. I want to fly! Let me up! I'm' going to do a domino mind meld with you all. Ummmmmmmm you are under my power..."

100_3995.JPG"Yes! Yes! You are all under my power. My name is Double Six, Twelve for short. You must all stand in a line for me and I will be free. Yes, I will  be FREE. I cannot stand to be cooped up in a potential poo bin with you freaks and geeks for all eternity. We're owned by someone who never lets us see the light of day, not by some snot nose who drops us down the furnace shaft! Imagine being dropped down a furnace shaft! We wouldn't be found until they took the furnace out. Then, they would open the pipe and we'd have to sing! Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gaaaaaalllll. Well, I want FREEDOM!"

100_3997.JPG"Look at that! You have all recoiled like a flock of nimrods! You are scared to be free, or I let a double six fart fly and you've all run away. Sorry, I had the triple cheeseburger at a participating Wendy's restaurant today and a chocolate Frosty. Really gets my bowels churning. HA. Fooled you all! I'm a DOMINO and we don't have BOWELS! Ah ha ha ha! Now assume the position so you can launch me to FREEDOM!"

100_3998.JPG"Yes! I can see it now! Freedom is only a Kathy Lee Crosby breast push away! Let me have it! I command all of you! I believe I can fly! I can fly like an eagle! First In Flight! I can make a stop at the Flying J! I'm like a bad Beatles instrumental with all four getting credit for composing. I christen thee the FLYING WASP!. Okay I'm out. Let er rip!"

100_4000.JPG CLINK! Chickachickachickackicka....THUD!!!


100_4004.JPG

"Free! I tell you! FREE! Not a damn domino in site. Ahh, so unrestrained. So loosey goosey. Hey, you there, the blogging guy, yeah YOU. Who did the painting on the trim on your doors? Better Homes and Gardens will never take a submission from you! Ahhh, it's so nice to be splayed randomly like this on a set of planks. Genuine hardwood. The way floors should still be rather than that pressed board base and laminates. Lets see. 1...2...3...4...5....6... .... .... ... Hey.... I'm bored. Guys? You up there? Guys? Hello? The mind meld isn't working. ..... I'm alone out here.... I'm so alone..... Hey! Blogging guy! Put me back! That's right! Put me back. P Put down that f-in POS camera and pick me up and put me back in the collective! Hello? HELLO??? HELL OH!!!!!"

*SCENE*

...and that's what you do when there isn't much to talk about, but you took all these photos. Junk Blog.

No dominoes were harmed in the making of this post. No 80's obscure stars breasts touched any of the participants. Fran Tarkenton was pushed. Not an Alan Landsburg production.