It's one of what I think are the all time rap lyrics ever. Ice Cube from the excellent album "Death Certificate". He talks about being shot and being sent to the county hospital where it's a wait. So while he's sitting there bleeding in the waiting room... "One hour done pass, done watch two episodes of Mash."  I gotta wonder what episodes they were? Something with Wayne Rodgers as Trapper?

The reason why that lyric hit me is, well, it's how Mash was when I was growing up. It was the most popular syndicated show for a few years and filled that 7P-8p time slot five days a week, even before the new episode would come on. It made Mash so popular that the network would have let it run as long as they wanted. The actors agreed to do a smaller season 11 with a good wrap up movie and that was that. Then a few years ago, netlet METV started airing them where I grew up with them. 7-8 PM. Of course, I had the first three seasons already, when they came out on DVD, but didn't have the others. I completed them within a weekend. Yeah, a few in those slim cases but what do I care?

Ahhh, but lets go back a bit to when I was a stooge walking around my high school as the nard that wore a paper dog costume and got a tootsie roll placed under my seat in my "remedial" American history class. I forget why I wanted to try out my acting chops in a school play. Someone pushed me I guess, maybe a teacher? I know I took acting class, but that was to get an easy grade. We had to do the "Wizard Of Oz" and I attempted to play the "loin" and made a costume that was half as*ed and because I didn't know a damn thing , I just stapled the fake fur together and expected it to hold while we all ad-libbed our lines for lack of actually rehearsing. There is a tape of it that I'm sure was kept somewhere in case any of us became big stars.

Gee, why would they want a shrub like me to be in a real play viewed by real parents? Why? I think the person who pushed me into it was someone that knew I was a born natural for a role. The role of Radar. I must have looked like radar in a way and certainly had me pegged as a guy that would carry a teddy bear. Yes, we had a tall bill to fill. Great writing, great acting, great fake war sets, and we had to live up to it without any of that. I tried out, and I got the part. 

Of course, what got me was the try out poster. The truck with the lips. You see, my local station WUAB Ch. 43, had purchased a animation package to promote their shows. The one for Mash, after they ran a few highlights for the show would wrap up by going to a smaller picture. They had the WUAB logo and the time, and the above truck with lips would start rolling and then animate the lips to a kiss and keep rolling. It was all silly poop, but you know someone was a fan of those logos. I don't remember if they were still airing at the time. 

I was in with the theatre crowd. I got exclusive use after hours of the theatre "den" which was a flop lounge that we could hang in after school with cheesy couches and a real working phone. We did have rehearsals which were fun. We had a party to watch the original MASH movie because the play was based on the movie not the TV show, so we had "Painless Polish" and "Ho John" and other assorted characters that made it into the first season but faded away. I don't think you could buy every episode of the TV show on VHS tape at the time either, so we were at the mercy of watching reruns. We had the run of the middle school's theatre and rehearsed there since our high school didn't have a theatre other than the practice classroom. About the only other thing I remember is, getting a ride to the theatre rather than walking the distance to it. A senior at the school with the first name "Dudley" drove a beat up yellow Renault "Le Car" which used to have "Le Car" done in striping on the doors. With all of the anti rust body work on it, Dudley painted "DUD" just before "Le Car". That's right, I drove around in the DUD LE CAR.

Dates were set. We had our mission. We'd put on two shows and have a few run rehearsals  before to make sure we had the entire play down. I had never acted before so I got a few pointers from the instructor. It's all about "Project", but since I was also in choir for the easy credits, I was pretty good about forcing my voice but without sounding forced. There was also some stage direction. Being as how I wasn't too good with my lefties or my righties,  I struggled a bit there as well. Then there was memorising my lines. Actually it was easier than I thought, and it was easy to ad-lib if someone else blew a line. Then the most valuable tip was "you're acting too much, be yourself..." I was trying to hard and it was making me nervous. I could have used a fifth of jack and a spleef. I chilled like a bin full cheeseburgers. I could do the role. I was Radar.  I remember going to Spencer gifts to buy a pair of "John Lennon" sunglasses. Without the lenses, they would work as Radar glasses. They rented costumes for us and I got a army surplus knit visor/cap. Plus, there were the dog tags...

Looks like the real deal eh? Well, they were created by someone in our props department and they went the extra step of stamping them so we had something to remember the experience. When the curtain came up, the first scene had me laying front and center on the stage with my ear to the floor listening for choppers. It might have looked like I was humping the stage because I was shaking so much. It was after all, my first time in the limelight. My part pretty much came off without a hitch other than one screw up. I had to exit stage left and then race around a maze of steps and hallways to be in the next scene having a fake chess game in the swamp with Ho John. I didn't make it, so Ho John just played a game by himself. There were no lines in that scene either so, no huge loss.  Both nights came out great, and it was over. We struck the sets, I took a few of the signs that were still up around the high school, and that was it. I was an ACTOR! *cough*

I tried to be in the next play. They were doing "Twelve Angry Jurors". I actually got selected to be juror #8 I think, which had maybe 5 lines. It was not a great role but I had the Jones. That was until, mom decided we were going to Florida the week the play was actually to be performed. Therefore I couldn't be in it.... so I had to resign which didn't make some of the members very happy. I don't think I did more than one or two dry reads of it when I found out, but the writing was on the wall. I may have tried out for another show but was quickly "not right for even for extra #3" or something, and that was it for my acting career. Lesson?  In radio, nobody could see your fat ass hump the stage. Yeah.  Junk Blog.