Carolling carolling now we go, wrapped in a zip tie on a flat bed covered in glitter and beige pillow-y crap. My song book will be written in the proper Queen's English in dog speak so I can understand it. Woof! Woof! Bark. Pawprint. I'm wearing a scarf too! Perfect to clean any vomit from being pulled on this wood deal. Ain't I the cutest piece of crap you every saw?
Truth be told, and why shouldn't I share the truth? Hey, let me tell a lie! I was ***of legal age*** years old and found this in my back yard and when I picked it up, I found a doorway to another dimension where all the people were pets and the pets were people but there was a mix of both like in Bojack Horseman. I quickly befriended a golden retriever named "Mr. Joint" and he showed me the reefer way through reefer land and I met his friends "Stoney Stone Cat" and "Mr. Owl." The first thing I asked Mr. Owl was how many licks would it take to get to the Cannabis in my marijuana pop? He took it from me, and gave a few licks while saying "One, TwoWHOOOOOOOOO, Three" Then he chomped the whole thing in his mouth and handed me the empty stick and smugly said "Three!" Stoney Stone Cat then attacked and ate him. He smiled while wiping the blood from his muzzle and said "I'm still a cat...couldn't help it."
I know, stupid right? I should know my audience for this junk blog better than that. We tend to have all ages and stoners and animal lovers and peeps who may remember obscure references to an all time classic commercial. What the hell is with this decoration and why do you care? Well, it is a cute little piece of crap right? So cute, this is one of the decorations that I keep out all year. Who wouldn't want some extra figurines broken from some Christmas figurine set? Let me splain what's doin' ova dey...
Long ago, I visited a friend near Christmas time, and we went to Bowling Green, Ohio to see another of Ohio's many dying small town malls and go to Finders records. We walked the "downtown" part of Bowling Green and decided to go into a crap store. (You know, one that had a bunch of crap in the window, including seasonal crap like this!) Lots of the crap in this store was high priced figurines and other crap and I believe Beanie Babies were still a hot collectors turd. I worked my way to the back of the store for "clearance" crap. On the table, they had two of these adorable pieces of crap and they were pretty cheap compared to all the other crap, so I bought them both. I knew Boomer would like crap like this. I don't think my friend bought any crap at the crap store. He likes rodentia and sensimilla, not canids. You figure it out.
I even looked this up on the web to see what kind of crap it was. It was tough because I didn't know what Christmas village set of crap this came from. I found it, but don't ask because I don't remember. However, they went to good homes. The zip ties on this are so I can hang it on my Christmas tree. There really isn't anywhere to put it up on the tree without. The "tow" rope with a "bone" just wouldn't do it. Yeah, I'm a softy when it comes to orphan crap like this and it sits year round on the shelf above my computer monitor next to the ALCO cans of pop. You know? Blizz Cola? Dr. Duck? Squirz orange, grape and lemon lime sodas? Yes, I know they were likely Shasta re-branded for ALCO discount stores. All gone now. Maybe those should go on the tree as well. Hmmmmmmmmm.