What the hell was it in the 70's and 80's? Why did us consumers buy this crap? Sure, you might convince yourself that when picking up ashes from your 1985 Renault Alliance from your pack and a half a day habit that these things really worked. However, try to pick up that random French fry from Mickey Macs, well boy...you wish this would suck, but you learn it's really really suck.

Panasonic built this one. I think I had two or three. I even got one with a round container for Christmas. I had the cheap ass one that you would buy from a car wash for $10. I could count on my hand how many times I paid for a car wash. I guess I thought it would be a good idea to keep the pebbles from my Monza carpet. Of course, when someone tossed a stink bomb into my car while I was buying a CD, it didn't do well with charred foam, but got those ashes! It was a worthless piece of dung. I got one that was "better", but likewise it was dung. I think I got this one dirt cheap from one from NoFeast. It was used, returned, and loosely packaged so I think it was only $3. Yes, glutton for punishment. Hey, I had a very special Dodge Omni to vac out the cheeseburger crumbs from. It was a Panasonic! It had to be good right?

I mean, that motor says POWER! You connect to 12V car power. I drive a 96HP Dodge and it's got a lot of power right? RIGHT? Yes, the trouble with all of these is, 12V power. That motor can run all it wants at top speed, it's still not going to pick up that French fry.  Yes, but this one had TOOL!

...and it attached to the bottom. It combined all that SUCK power into a smaller SUCKHOLE to that it could SUCK even better. It wasn't big enough to pick up a French fry, but it could suck those ashes from the burn hole put in my seat by the only person I allowed to smoke in my car ONCE and had a cigarette burn to show for it. Peace man. It's just a FU*KIN CAR SEAT IN A CAR THAT WON'T BE PAID OFF FOR 4 MORE YEARS! Have a doughnut. Don't shut off that computer at work, it will erase all the work for the morning news cast. Blah. Blah. Blah.

The alternative was always around. It usually cost 50 cents at those wand wash car washes. That was the majority of my car washes. Pay a buck or two , use a wand to spray that road salt off all parts of your car. Oh, you drive a Monza? HAHAHAHAHA! How about a deluxe wax treatment? HAHAHAHA. Wait, you got RUSTPROOFING on that car? HAHAHAHHA! Oh no, a few years later and buying a PLASTIC car? RAIIIIIIIIIID!

I still use the big vacs at wand washes every now and then, but I really hate them. It did work to suck up all that automotive safety glass from my hatch area when my car was vandalised at a college near you. What fun it was to drive in the winter with a Curtis Mathes cardboard box covering the back window. Thankfully I didn't have the car for much longer and I didn't get pulled over. Sold the damn thing for $50 to be made into a hover shuttle. That's another story for another time.

So, those vacs always smell , not terrible, but like stale food and dirt and whatever the hell else was sucked up. They have BIG hoses with a big well gnarled nozzle. What a pain it was to try and NOT touch your seats with the grease or refuse or something totally disgusting HOSE , but man did it pick up French fries or wrappers or loose change or small pets! They are the most powerful and made your carpet sing. BUT, if you didn't want to spend that kind of cake, you got one of these, and unhappily ever after, but you swore they worked. Really? REALLY?

12V. Whew. I learned that borrowing my mom's Dustbuster was much better than a plug in thingy. Then when I moved to my house, the Dirt Devil which sucked up the termites for me in Louisville became the new car vac when I clean my car. Why? Because even though it's the noisiest thing on earth, it still can take a French fry off the floor and make short work of it.  Bah ha ha, I don't waste any fries like that! JUNK BLOG! -Ric