Results tagged “Cleveland Indians”

Christmas Junk #15 - Fake Kanky Canes

  • Posted on
  • by

100_3875.JPGI just noticed it. How much would these canes cost if you bought then at a participating TJMaxx along with your leaky coffee maker and slightly irregular sheets with the stitches missing. The green marker has gotten old enough to reveal. Awww, what do I care. These were gifted to me as two sets combined. Half and half. Half Injuns and Half Brownies. Since I don't put candy canes on my tree, these make a good substitution and take up some unadorned branches on the tree. Hence the brand name "Forever". Wow. See, they can last forever, so, they are "Forever". See. Thank you Mr. Obvious.

 100_3879.JPG They look very tasty. I wonder what officially licensed NFL canes taste like? Failure? Misery? Foam? Likely the latter. Yes, as our Cleveland Browns go down with the worst season as long as I've been watching, I still hang these canes with pride as they weigh down each branch in hopes that a victory, any victory, in more than a year, can come to the city of champeens. Minor League Hockey? Check. 2016 NBA CHAMPION CAVALIERS? Check. Yeah, I parrot that a little too much.

100_3880.JPGSee, we had our Injuns go all the way this year. Extra innings in the 7th game of the big show. All that really meant when we lost the big one is that I got some extended listening to Tom Hamilton, who is the best baseball guy ever! Gee, that's just like your baseball play by play guy. Everybody's play by play guy is the best play by play guy to them. Hammy is the best! Come On! Hammy is is nickname. Hammy! He's not Harry Steak or Jerry Fish or Larry Assmuccio...

In Lebron We Trust. I have always been a fan of the Browns. I'm even wearing their sweatshirt as I type this in anticipation of a Saturday loss. Go team! The Injuns I kind of became a fan of when I could at least hear every game, so I'm a late comer. 2002 or so. When we were jamming in the mid 90's, I was all about building a radio thing so blah blah blah. So, I got Injuns and Browns candy canes to hang on the tree. Which one do you think is going to keep being champeens? Come on CAVS, you can make it happen!

DISCLAIMER: If you're from somewhere else, you don't care. There's a whole lot more junk to see here in past posts. Just had to do a little home team Christmas blah blah blah. Merry Christmas to all and to all GOOD BOOZE! (Skitch! Mike O' Meara Podcast! Thanks.)

-Ric

100_3900.JPGOn my itty bitty kwitzmas twee, I have a lot of debris of favorite things from my past and present. This one was a on-going treat for me every year. It's a beer coaster turned ornament from Cumberland Brews in Lousiville, KY. I've always liked beer beverage but what I drank for beer beverage could hardly be called BEER. It was more CORN SODA. Yes, but the term "Craft Beer" came along and we had a place to go to get bombed with class!I'd been to one or two micros before, but this was my first "home town" "gotta have it". They announced it was opening somewhere in the "Highlands" area of Louisville , but I drove by it several times and didn't see it. One day I looked up and saw images of hops, and thought, that's it!

It is a real small place, bar of about 12 seats and about 7 tables. The head brewer was brewing a batch of beer right in the front window in a large stainless steel cooker and steam was filling the air. It was that cool of a place. A former ice creamery, so the tile needed to have a kitchen where beer could be brewed was perfect. 4 stainless holding tanks were right there as well and then the refrigerator was at the end, all closed in with glass and there was a Mr. Hankey key chain hanging from a valve. (Christmas poo at a beer joint?)  I met the brewer, the owner and the manager all that day as I drank the best beer I'd had. It wasn't that cheap, but pretty cheap for a micro brew of such taste and quality. I went there at least twice a week. When I moved to Cleveland, I always make a point to go back at least once a year.  The place has changed in that they sell more beer and now brew off site, plus the manager and head brewer are no longer there...but the bison burgers are still the same. Cheers.

100_3908.JPGMr. Fat Hanz is showing off his BALLS! Oh? Only ONE BALL?  It's an Indians baseball team ornament with a fat pudgy MF head with some serious eyebrows. For years I put this junk on my tree and not get anything out of the "root root root for the home team." At least this year, we've got something going on. Do baseball players wear toilet seats? Is that the new safety gear? We're All Devo!

100_3898.JPG...and the most debris of the debris I put on my tree every year... I put this in the back of my tree, but I do put this on the tree. Every year.  You know that symbol. Well, I look at it like, I found all this world of wonder from those punks over at the corporate and their operating system for my computer barely powerful enough to microwave a burrito. It was when the net was getting going, and e-mail was becoming a thing. I got a Internet Service Provider and the software they gave me...they told me to use the Internet Explorer program to download Netscape if I wanted to get my e-mails from their Microsoft servers. Microsoft's own server products, not compatible with Microsoft Internet Explorer. Still, I'd still be using Win95, but time marches on. Gee, that's a PEN-GOO-WIN right next to it. Hmmmmm. Hehehehehehehehe.

100_3896.JPGThe MONEY SHOT (TM)  The full rest of the ornaments for this entry. Of course, there's a PEN-GOO-WIN. It's for my favorite hockey team. Really. It's for my favorite computer operating system. Really. It was a premium strapped to a box of Christmas Lifesavers.  The rest are just duplicates of other key chains you've seen from my button box posts. The "SCION" key chain was a really nice and heavy promo given out at the Cleveland auto show for the new and amazing cars from China. Er...Japan? Yep. Toyota's different trendy brand. It had a good run. Do you know anyone that bought one?  There is also a Yuengling key chain bought at the Tampa former Strohs plant on the only beer plant tour I've been on. Free beers. Clearance crap. Plus, everybody's favorite Japanese stripper, Sony Tape. She wore these to cover up her *Shhhhhhh! Check it!*

100_3902.JPGLast but yes last, is the bumper sticker from my beloved Cumberland Brews. I sort of got the vibe that they liked jam music. They always would be playing anything funky or rasta or noodling. I didn't get any reference in the place until I became a fan of the Grateful Dead. Gee, that bumper sticker is a lyric from the song "Ripple". The poster from the 1995 tour still hangs there. Bears. Jerry. Volkswagen Busses. The owner is a DEAD HEAD. Cumberland Blues is a song by the Grateful Dead. Jerry would love the place. Oh, and RIP Ear X-Tacy. The greatest media store in the 'Ville. Okay. Nuff.  -Ricochet

100_3709.JPGChannel 43 Plays Favorites! Channel 43.... Here comes the neat animated graphic for MASH. After a few highlights the announcer comes on while a little animated truck rolls along and a pair of lips on the side of the truck make a kiss with a *smooch".  7pm to 8pm while Mash was actually still on the air with new episodes. It replaced the Hogans Heroes hour which was top rated. It became the top rated show in local television for a few years.

Meanwhile the Cleveland Indians were played on Channel 43. So were the Cavaliers. This was at the dawn of cable TV  and many many years away before it swallowed up all the broadcast TV airings. Channel 43 had the games. Of course, that meant, MASH wouldn't play. It also meant the Indians didn't play. We had Municipal Stadium. It was a monstrous 70,000 seat house of pain. Other than the home opener which always sells out, the Indians of the 70's and 80's was lucky if they had 10,000 in the cavern of crap. Of course, on Sundays during foobah season, it was Browns Town. Dream crusher. Not housing champions since 1964.

100_3710.JPGNow, I wasn't old enough to drink, but the subliminal advertising for kiddies like me worked. When I was of "legal age", Busch beer was a cheap beer but it had more taste than the cheapest dreck out there. "Popular Priced" I believe was the moniker used. You could buy 40oz bottles of these for 95 cents at the local Revco drug store. Now, I'm not sure why they chose to adorn the other side of this butt comforter.  Maybe because it tastes like A**. I recall at the old broken down palace of tears, the official beer you could get was Genesee. It's a fine burp beer as well. Popular Priced. With who? Yes, we drank that stuff. I had a friend that liked their Cream Ale nick named "Genny Screamers". It didn't grow on me.

100_3712.JPGChannel 43 Plays Favorites! Then, Channel 19 WOIO went on the air and kicked their ass by playing movies pretty much without editing. My video tape of the Blues Brothers with commercials is pretty much the way the DVD came out. With swear words. They also played newer shows as well as better older shows. Ahh, but when the Indians were on Channel 43,  the old United Artists Cleveland outlet was on top. Why wanted to actually pay their pittance to drink watered down beverage when they could be seen at home?  Since the Indians were so "meh", they had a giveaway every weekend and various weekdays. My step father would take us to bat day. We'd have actual Louisville Sluggers which my brother would promptly break playing softball with them. Ahh, the other times we got freebees from the Indians, this was indeed one of them. Could you see them giving a BEER ADVERTISEMENT to an 12 year old nowadays? It was a Municipal Stadium SEAT CUSHION!  A man built this! It's vinyl covered foam!

100_3711.JPGI remember we did use these a few times when we went to the stadium. Likely they got left there and then trashed. I actually looked this up on the Bay and yes, you can buy one for $20! Wheeee, this junk blog is worth something! Of course, it's vinyl with foam inside so that means that it cant get the NERF EFFECT (pat pending). Nerf Effect is, when you pass gas, a really hideous waffles with syrup or cinnamon Life cereal or even Taco Bell bean burrito toot into a foam football...you'll smell it again for years...and years... 

Even keeping it in a box with a little mold didn't stay in the foam. This still smells like peanut shells and old Genny and crushed dreams. The old Municipal Stadium seats really needed some padding... Ask anyone that grabbed one when Modell took the Browns away from Cleveland....

Oh yeah, Opening Day 2016 at home at the JAKE, er, Progressive Field  is Monday April 4th at 4PM. GO TRIBE! Indian Fever...it starts from the very first inning!  I'll be sitting on my Nerf Effect resistant Channel 43 plays favorites Busch "Popular Priced" seating while rooting on my team. GO JOE CHAR-BON-EAU! GO JOE CHAR-BON-EAU!

-Ric

PS: As I live in Cleveland, we have something called winter. That thing called winter can sometimes F**K up plans. Every few years, it F**Ks up opening day. So, enjoy your iced beer and ice cream and $40 parking 2 days in a row. Now Tuesday, April 5th at 1PM. Est. temp at game time? 30-35 degrees....but likely SUNNY.

Sweat Hogs

  • Posted on
  • by

100_3177.JPGAnother item I got but never used. I don't think I've ever taken it out of the package. Maybe once. Likely got this when the Cleveland Indians clinched a play off spot for the very first time in ages back in 1995. I was working at the "Monster On The Lake" wearing my producer hat. When we clinched,  the main producer cried. Needless to say, we were allowed a celebratory beverage while we were working! An intern and I went to a bodega for a 24 pack of Buttwiper Light and came back and celebrated. By the time it came around to me running the three hour pancake of the low fidelity Rush replay, the glow had worn off and I produced the highlight tapes of the game for the morning show.

100_3178.JPGActually, this is something good. It's a head wrap to keep you cool. Better still, it was made in Amercia by Clevelanders who needed the gig. Didn't matter if they were minimum wage flunkies, it was a made in the USA product. These are still available and I see they are still made in the USA but where is another question. Heck, I don't even know if they were made in Cleveland. Maybe they were made in PARMA! *Cue Polka Music* *Let's go to Channel 43 and see Superhost's phone booth and the Prize Movie prize wheel.*

100_3179.JPGAHA! There is a union seal on these. Makes me proud to have this gracing my button box on this junk blog. So much junk in this blog was made to come out of a bubble gum machine. This was a quality item made right in our country.  Of course, it says "Go Tribe". Not a Indians or MLB licensed item of course. Gotta keep costs down. We can do that better by the generic illustrations on our package. Funny, it doesn't say that there would be no joy in Cleveland for the next 20 years. Can basketball change that? Zzzzzzzzzzz.

-Ric

What Can BROWNS Do For You?

  • Posted on
  • by

100_2971.JPGYay! It's FOOBAH season! As Sunday Sept 13 will kick off the 2015 campaign of the Cleveland Browns, I figured, why not feature this supreme crap collection. It will even have a few extras tossed in for good measure. When I'm crying in my beer in these old cups when we end up 3-13, feel giddy that I have a plastic cup from 1999 while whiffing the farts in the Tim Couch there from the NERF(TM) EFFECT. (C)

100_2972.JPG1999 Was the return to Cleveland of FOOBAH taken from us when Art Modell didn't get his new digs while the Injuns and Cavs did. We here thought, the Browns never could leave Cleveland. It's what we ate, drank, slept and fornicated too. "Oh yeah, Oh Yeah, Here it comes , here it comes... BERNIE BERNIE! OH BAYYYYYBEEEE!" It's nice that I have these saved. I think I have two hundred saved drinking vessels. Someday this blog will catalog them all. I know I have a Roger Rabbit plastic cup and a Samuel L. Jackson Star Wars drink topper cup  from Taco Bell.

100_2974.JPGThis one is actually pretty nice. Of course it's from 1999 before all the BPA hype. You're nuts will shrivel while you enjoy midland coffee drinks in this travel tankard from "I Love This Place." At least it's the newer logo. I never used it. I put it away so it will be worth a quarter in 2019 when it's the 20th year losing. I'm from Cleveland. Did I mention that?

100_2973.JPGPretty complex for a 25 cent piece of history huh? It's almost a cheap cup holder ashtray. That's it. Burn up the BPA. Mmmmm. Dig it man. I gotta drop some BPA and listen to Phish. Mawwwwww doooooood.

100_2975.JPGHere's the cups they actually gave out with a $8 p*ss beer at the new stadium. It was an incredibly unremarkable stadium. The new "Gund" arena was pretty decent for bad basketball.  Jacob's Field hosted 455 sell out games until the choking set in. It was a baseball palace as the old line stadiums across the country were coming down slowly. Surely a few new stadiums were inspired by how good it was. Meanwhile, I watched on the web while "Cleveland Stadium" took shape. I got to see a crappy expansion team playing like a bunch of beat down third string rookies in a totally sterile football bowl. At least I got to see the first touchdown of the new Browns scored into the "Dawgpound"  while I was sitting in said pound. I must have taken about 15 of these used spew laden cups from the stadium as people threw them everywhere and didn't see the collectors value. 10 cents each in 2019.

100_2982.JPGThere's yer damn proof. I was THERE! Of course, now the season tickets for 8 games in section 320 is $600, but 1999 was before we had a real team that was a real winner inspiring confidence in... hell, WTF am I yammering about. Let's chage topics for just a moment...

100_2976.JPGGO TRIBE!  We have the slightest slightest chance of making it into the playoffs this year. Slight slight chance. Really really slight! Rained out tonight. Three games against the TIGS on Saturday and Sunday. Two on Sunday. Which team will I watch? A team with no promise that will go through QB's like a dog through Pabst cans...or a team with little chance, but a glimmer of hope. I'm yammering again. Where do I live? Cleveland. What do Cleveland's sports teams do? Disappoint their fans since 1965.

100_3016s.jpegBut shucks.... We LOVE our CLEVELAND BROWNS. So much so that we'll use these $1.99 license plate frames to tell the world that we're LOSERS that like the LOSING team. Isn't that creative however? The "O's" are FOOTBALLS. Get it? I of course, didn't put this on my Parmavagen because I go to Steelers country a lot, and they tend to damage Cleveland Browns fans' cars or at least use them as porta johns.

100_2978.JPG GO BROWNS! Of course, I hope I'm incorrect about my predictions for this year. I hope it's different. I hope we KICK ASS with no injuries and the same skilled QB having a career year and taking us to the promised land and winning us the sausage! (Trivisonno, Thanks. ) Oh, I'm sorry. Yammering again.

JUNK BLOG BONUS 100_2980.JPG

What is this disgusting stuff? It looks like TRIPE! It's Potted Meat Product! It's sheep's entrails. No, it's HAIRNETS. I keep them in my Browns collectors cups as a memory of going to Maryland to play the best lasertag ever, PHOTON. It was someone who opened an arena 10 years after they all had closed. It was using old equipment. We used to put these on so that we could wear disgusting Lysol coated helmets and run around aimlessly in the dark while Predator scored on you when you were lying in pain from a leg cramp. 

I had the fun of playing in that new arena on two occasions. I even wore my old Photon tee with my Photon nickname "Trapper" right on it. Jeeze I loved Photon. I really couldn't afford to play by game. At 6.50 a game on McDonalds money, it was a lot. Ahh, but Saturdays, when for $20 it was all you could play for 6 hours.

So, with old equipment and a bit longer game, it was, old school. I loved it. However, running old equipment with no way to replace other than surplus begged from private collections covered in mold, it got too much to run. They had "Photon Nights" for a few years. I don't even know if the joint is open anymore. I have pictures, and HAIRNETS!

ARF! -Ricochet