Results tagged “David Letterman”

Everybody's Got One In Their Basement

100_4350.JPGSelf: "Self? I think I need to get a treadmill."

Inner Self: "You just need to diet fat ass. Stop drinking beer beverage. "

Self: "Give up BEER? No No Devo!"

Inner Self: "Well then, why not exercise more than sitting your doompas in front of a monitor."

Self: "I could... It's winter so walking isn't the best unless I join the mall walkers club at a participating dead mall..."

Inner Self: "Gosh, you are a fat blubber whale of a fatbody Private Pyle."

Self: "I know! I'll get a treadmill. I know I'll use it more than 20 times until setting it in the corner of the basement to collect dust. "

Inner Self: "In 10 years or so, it will make a great junk blog post. Go fourth and mortgage that 24 pack!"

100_4356.JPGA man built this! It's a treadmill! I went to the local SEARS (yes, Sears, because Dicks Sporting Goods was $2746 more and Wally had an even cheaper treadmill that seemed like it would be adequate, but not, at least, lasting.)  So, my brother and I went and picked up this sucker and I set it up in a portion of my apartment and I was off to the races. *stumble* *fall* *crashes into a mirror* *breaks a shelf* *hurts foot* *hurts wrist* Maybe I should have been wearing a bicycle helmet while I was striding to no place on this fine machine.  You see, I had lost a LOT of weight, and the key to it was diet, exercise, and giving up beer beverage. I was dry for a hundred days or so and walked about 2 miles. Every day. But, with every diet, there comes the slow pace of gaining everything back. I wasn't horrible, but I'd gained 20 back and it was nearing winter, so what a solution. Join a gym or bring the gym home.  It was a compact unit and I would wheel it out in front of my TV and walk three miles a day.

100_4352.JPGWeslo brand. Cadence 70e. Big deal. At least it does look like it got some use. It did get the use. Through the winter I attempted to use this every day for that at least one mile, but usually two or three. I didn't run on this, because, well, why run? Walking is low impact and I usually do it every day. It's usually when I go to stores or malls. I park in the very back spot away from ijits that open their car doors without a care and dent my doors. Everybody does it.  Who cares. Cars are cheap now. Let the doors fly! *grumble* You know, I had a cheap Chundai vehicle that I traded in a few years ago. I was so proud that the doors and the body of the car had NO DENTS AT ALL...except one from somebody where I worked, right after I'd bought the car, and well, they were not patient enough to open their door slowly. Unfortunately, I parked out of reach of the security cams. If the alt parking lot wasn't being paved...

100_4351.JPGSo it was a extra clean car that I was proud of. I traded it in. Two days later I went back in my new Hyduki and I saw that someone had dented the door with a big pock while my car was awaiting the old loan to clear. A few days later, I went back and my car was on the used car lot and both dents were GONE! It appears they have advanced body work so that they digitally match the color of the paint and with space age fillers, made it look like it never happened. Only the previous owner could have seen where the repairs were made. I wonder if they will last... My previous hoopty a Nissan Sentra was pre dinged when I got it and after a few years at my job, it was like a Chinese checkers board it had so many dents. Ahhh, but when you have a car you care about, the 500 steps into a building is nothing. However someone ALWAYS parks next to me. At least they should be as careful as me. Sure. Superspot is what I call them. If there is a median with a tree, look for me, walking in 100 degree heat.

100_4357.JPGI remember what my brother said when we picked this up. "It's going to end up as a plant stand like thousands of others." I was out to prove him wrong. Like I said, it was six months or so of intense use, but little loss. Why? I loved me some beer beverage. Look at the underside of this majestic workhorse. It's a two AA battery affair. Yes, I'm sure this is the ruin of many of these machines. You put the batteries in it, use it for a bit, then let it collect dust while your batteries expire and ruin the whole thing. Yes, I took mine out. I moved to a house rather than an apartment and thought I'd be using this every day in my basement work out room. *spits Pabst everywhere* I will say that at least I took the batteries out. OH GOOD FOR YOU!

100_4353.JPG...and there it sits. I tried using it again as my pounds started slowly accruing like an Atari 2600 game of Pac Man. I wrenched my jaw and went "bing bing bing" and munched the square power pill while the ghosts really blinked and blinked and blinked.. I did have to adjust the belt a bit to make sure it works and got some real exercise in, but, well, I could sell this but this piece of junk would mean failure. I did give up the beer beverage for one month last year but um...the Cavaliers were in the finals...um...lame excuse..but the truth, I lost 10 pounds on the no beer diet. I've kept it off. Wanna lose more? No beer for you. I placed this shirt over the treadmill to cover it up and well, this post may just energize me again to go and start walking and give up that which keeps "Leon is getting LAAARRRGER" (Skitch. Airplane. Thanks.)  -Ric

P.S. You know, one could say my annoying (Skitch. Thanks.) is nothing more than a baffling part of the "junk blog mythos." (Way too much credit.) No, it really does have a twisted meaning. Want to hear it? Here it go.

I was well schooled in David Letterman's 1986 season of Late Night. Comedian Carol Leifer did a bit with Dave at his desk and said a joke to which Paul Shaffer played a "BOMP" to "punch" it. That made Carole look over at Paul Shaffer and say "Skitch.... Thanks...." David Letterman got a huge laugh out of that. I had no idea what it was, but I thought it was a funny way to reference when someone else helps punch your joke to make it funnier. Turns out, she was referencing Skitch Henderson who was Jack Paar's Tonight Show band leader and was at the beginning of Carson's  career on the show. Hence, why David laughed so hard at something baffling to my pre-internet mind. That is all.

The Generals Are Awake

  • Posted on
  • by

100_4361.JPGWhy the hell did I buy this? Aren't clock radios a dime a dozen? What kind of a junk blog are you handing us with your fancy shmantzy "stereo" and your fancy dancey "headphone jack"  and your "grade AAA" fancy cream cheese and your frozen Lenders onion bagels and you're tuning in the FM on your dying Sirius radio. Well, this was it. I saw it for many years in Best and U.S. Merchandise catalogs. Imagine, super deluxe STEREO in your CLOCK RADIO!

It just didn't compute in the 80's. Why the hell would I want a stereo radio just to wake my ass up in the morning? A: It was fancy shmantzy!  All silver with fake wood grain top and BLUE NUMBERS! No cheap ass clock radio had the BLUE NUMBERS! I wanted one. Sorta. Eh. I was happy with a cheap Timex or the free GE clock radio I got for opening a checking account. (Still in use!)

100_4362.JPGI wouldn't think of listening to this through the headphone jack. For that we had the extra option of a portable stereo tape player. "Battery Backup" was another neat plus. If for some reason the power failed, it meant, like your VCR, it would flash 12:00 and you'd miss getting up for your opening shift at Mickey D's so you could make the weekend biscuits. Not that it mattered. You've quit 5 times and that was just last week!

You were smarter than that. You could set the VCR timer. You had too in order to tape David Letterman's summer of '86.  "Get into The Fountain!" "Dave don't make me come over there and HURT YOU." "Once around the course and back to the lodge for some cocoa." "Do you have a plate in your head? I Have a whole set of china!" "Caravan with a drum solo!" "Lady Liberty Cheeze Curls"  (and many more.....)

2 wake times was also a great option. If you didn't like mashing the "Snooze" bar, you'd shut off "A" and wait for the G-Team In The Morning to wake you with "B". Holy SH*T! It was the 80's and this was STEREO! It could wake you to "We Built This City" and you'd hear Grace Slicks knockers banging against the microphone or "M-E-T-H-O-D-O-F-L-O-V-E" being crooned by the dude with the moustache that all late 80's Howard Stern producers had. No sir. It was all MONO for me.

100_4363.JPGHa! Those wackos over at the Philippines GE design studio didn't know how to spell "Snooze". There's NO GSNOOZ like GOOD GSNOOZ with GARY GNU. (Skitch! Great Space Coaster. Thanks.) Silver trim. Ever present fake wood grain finish over the finest plastic pieces parts. Plus, real time setting! Lets see, you don't have to fast forward all the way around the clock if you didn't stop quick enough at the actual time! A product that was easy to use? GE! Imagination At Work! Separate switches for every function!

Ever try to set a Casio watch with Telememo and analog hands as well as digital readout? You get 4 buttons and one is the "barely able to" light. You might as well have two watches for every six months.  I'm guessing GE must have thought: "Hell, we have the room on top of this concert STEREO clock radio, why not make it setting it EASY! After all, We Bring Good Sh*t to life!"  Also for lesser/faint stations you had the option to use MONO to listen to your hot rockin "Bernie Bernie! Oh Bay Bee! Superbowl!"

100_4364.JPGA brightness switch! A man BUILT THIS. It's a STEREO CLOCK RADIO. Hey, tuner for your fancy stereo on the fritz? Headphone OUT baby! Battery door WITHOUT THE F-IN SCREW! Wow. They should have charged a thousand bucks for this little gem. I just couldn't justify the extra money for something that would be tethered to a wall outlet and only used to wake me with Mr. Leonard griping how his lime green Pinto threw a rod when he was on the way to another radio station to do another ding ding wacky morning zoo.

100_4360.JPGNow to brass tacks. GE clock radios have a reputation for being bullet proof. About the only thing that ever failed on one of my GE's was the knob that set it to "On" or "Off" Or "Wake"  stripped after years of use, and I didn't even let that stop me from using it with a unmatched knob from an older radio. The other thing that was so good about these is the tuners they used were top notch. Almost any 80's and early 90's non-digital tuned GE AM/FM product could bring in FM loud and clear and distant AM pretty decent. The fact that this was stereo sealed the deal as a thrift shop purchase, and shortly thereafter I bought a second backup. I use this in my living room to play my Sirius radio broadcast through. Crystal clear, and decent fidelity for a clock radio. Sorta looks like a BOSE Waveradio don't it? F-Them. Mine cost two bucks. Junk? There's no input for an IPOD. Hmmmmm.

ARF! -Ric

The New Old Way Of Doing Things

  • Posted on
  • by

100_4184.JPGGosh bless my friend and co-conspirator in my band Spudlok, Bill. When we moved out of our mom's houses to a joint near supermall Ohio, we were all set. Out of all the noise of still living with our moms and into independent apartment living. We had a party pad. Come and go as we pleased. No hassles. No chores. Har Har Har. Moving in together was the only way we could afford to move out. We were both part timers or minimum wagers working at our dream media gigs. Bill in television and myself in radio.

Back in the summer of 1986, I knew what I must do. I started writing. Lots. I also absorbed that entire summer of David Letterman which I taped most of and hold those tapes in high regard. Come on, he interviewed Max Headroom. He had the book lady, the guy under the stairs, and "GET INTO THE FOUNTAIN!" He groped Sandra Berndhart sitting in his lap. I wrote and I wrote and wrote and before it was through, had four "teen aged" books, all which somehow involved the main character becoming a dog or a wolf. I knew I could never get anything done with long hand chicken scratch so I needed a way to get my stories in a printable format. Bill had an Apple Mac with the floppy and built in monitor. He allowed me to type out my first book and begin editing it. "Whoa Whoa Whoa, stop the clock."  When did what is in the picture come in? Well, that was after I started writing but before I had access to a "modern" computer. Read on... or go look for porn. I don't care.

100_4186.JPGMy memory failed me as to when I first got this device. It's a Smith Corona PWP-77D word processor. They were popular as hell until the computer/printer became so cheap to own. Back when I got this, I think you were still at $3000 for even a cheaper computer/inkjet printer to word process in letter quality. This came along, wasn't their most expensive, but was their cheapest with removable "media". That way, I could type in one of my novels and then print it out and have it at least be good quality. Now, I had an Atari 800XL with a cheap "printer-plotter", but it printed on calculator paper. Later I got a genuine "letter quality" printer, but it used a drum with about 10 letters on each reel. That meant, typing out a full page of writing took about five minutes and you could only get about 2 pages without the printer needing to cool down for 10 minutes. I never got the Atari dot matrix printer.

100_4187.JPGThis device was a cool three hunny. I bought it from my local office supply house. Actually, it was quite advanced for what it was. You could use it like a normal typewriter and even buy print cartridges for it with an erase feature. I suppose the lower models with smaller screens or no screen would need that. No, I planned on only printing when I had my document edited and ready to print. So, this was a good typewriter. As a text editor, it was fair to midland. Computers had just broken the 133MHZ speed limit or so when this unit came out, and those would cost a billion dollars. I'm sure this had a faster processor than my 64K speed monster Atari 800XL but I can't imagine if this had more than 4 or 8 MHZ processing power.  You could get a spreadsheet program for it, so It must have been a little more advanced. It seemed like early DOS and had maybe 16-32K built in memory? It doesn't give the specs in the manual. If I could open a whole 160 page document, I think it kept reading chunks from the disk drive while I attempted to edit. That was a major problem on a longer document. No mouse to get to where you wanted, just arrow keys. When you deleted a line, then it needed to process the change so sometimes the display would go blank for a few seconds while it fit your changes into the screen. Ahh, but they were there. It typed out what you had and was designed to do it without 10 minute rest periods. Of course, it would idle each page it printed until you put in the next piece of paper. Yeah, the more expensive models had a auto feed and a bigger display, but for $300, I had THE POWER!

100_4188.JPG...and I'm so glad I splurged with my then small balance credit card to get one with a disk drive. It was a 720 Meg drive, but it really gave me the editing strength to type in stuff and work on fixing it later. I had floppies for each "book" I had. Plus, because it was a "DOS" like product, it came with a "conversion" program, whereas, if I switched to a PC product, I could convert the files and roll on from there with 66MHZ or better speed and Word Perfect goodness. Yes, I did type three of my four projects in with this typewriter. Of course, when I tried to edit my first project, um... it was... um... forget it. Again, editing a longer project was not impossible on this machine, but also not very practical. So, when I got access to Bill's mac, I had some conversion to do.

His Mac had software to convert from PC to Mac, so I had to find a PC to use to convert files from Smith Corona over to PC. Enter the fine peeps over at the radio station I worked overnight at. WWWE. I ran the Rush Limbaugh program replay, on a really big and slow reel to reel tape "pancake" from 3am to 6am. Yes, I had to get in and out of commercials and live news and run the ship during this time. It seems to primitive to think that I had a job running a tape late at night but it was 1994... I could use Rush's first 22 minute segment to start converting files with an unused computer and convert I did. One night, I made the mistake of turning off the computer when I was done. Unfortunately, that loused up the entire system. I remember that I didn't know I had borked the whole station until the morning host came on and said that they didn't have show prep because someone messed with the computers, maybe someone writing "the great American novel". When I realized that it was me, I went to a nearby doughnut shop, bought a dozen, and went back up to the station as an apology. At least I didn't get canned. Thank goodness by that time I was adding to a few live shows by doing creative bits for them, so I was a bit more valuable than a tape jockey.

100_4190.JPGThis is obligatory of course. I knew the display would be hard to take a picture of with a flash, so this is what I got. Once I had editing and printing capability, I did so with Bill's Mac and gave him some money for the ink and paper. I finished typing my third project and even put it in a book because I thought it was the most likely story that could go some place. Of course, as I read what I thought was the finished edit, I found a thousand edits more. Soon after typing my fourth project in, I got the gig in Toledo and said good bye to the Mac world. It would be a few more years until I moved to Louisville and Boomer The Dog gave me a Okidata 9 Pin dot matrix printer until I had the printing tech again. Until then, I went to Kinkos or Office Max to type resumes and print them. I don't think this got much use after that. Maybe the occasional typing a letter, but that was it. I still have it and it still works. Maybe I should type something....nahhhhhhhhh. $5 at a thrift store. I'll keep mine as a boat anchor for my junk pile thank you very much.

-Ric

Button Panel #1

  • Posted on
  • by

100_3485.JPGWelcome to the near end of my button box junk posts. This is the panel of buttons I put together to make it easier to finish doing these button box junk posts. I have too many to tell stories about on an individual basis. It's just stupid stuff anyway. Again I had to use black dots of pain to cover up the guilty. On that button at the bottom, it was an "in memoriam" pin. I don't remember who the person was or why I came into possession of it. I could have left it out this picture, but I don't think so good. So, "black dots of pain" is that button. Dupe buttons are all over like "Dawg Gone". Not worth repeating.  Otherwise, here goes. 

100_3487.JPG A lot of these pins and in the following pin posts were created when a bunch of us were sitting around our college radio station WBWC with a pile of magazines and a button maker. If I get another Appliance Store button, I'll sic the black dots on them. The monkey was just one of those created at the radio station. The 70's equipment and microphone was a upgrade from the 50's radio crap we used to use. Hell, we thought it was bonus that we had a , what did they call them, a "compact disc" player? I think we got it when record labels started sending CD Singles to promote.  WCSB was another one of the radio stations I provided "content" for with our "Under The Shelf" show. 

You should know the story of Maximum Compact. Get it? Those are the dots and dashes that make up a digital signal. Bwa ha ha ha. Speaking of Nofeast, towards the end of my Parma store and the end of the company's tenure in Cleveland, we had a fly by night extended warranty company that sold coverages for your big screen about $200 less than other warranties at the time. They paid us pretty well too. Trouble was , they went under and guess who was left holding the debt? Lesson learned. We then had GE Financial backing our warranty. They cost more, but GE wasn't going anywhere right? As a company, we were, but not GE Warranty!  You know the handmade badge. It's for an obscure band called "Spudlok". Who would name their radio show "Under The Shelf" and their band "Spudlok"? Hmmmmmm.

100_3488.JPGNow, don't be shocked by the Nazi propaganda up on top. That's a button for the band "The Residents" and I believe that's a likeness of TV's Bill Shatner. I was a minor fan of The Residents, and we called them the "Kings Of The Avante Garde" over on the WBWC hosted by Evan Ford. My friend Bill was all in and knew every nook and cranny about the band that's most famous for appearing as four giant eyeballs. I just couldn't get too much of a groove for these guys. The button is from "Third Reich and Roll" which I wish I could say was a good album, but too odd for my tastes. Therefore I listened to Negativland! "Negativland Is Stupid" with the little Monopoly house was a symbol from their "Big 10-8 Place" album.  I really became a fan when they released "Escape From Noise" album. I covered the boys and their inspirations on me in this post: http://ricochet.boomerthedog.net/blog/junk/2015/07/negativland-rip-don-joyce.html -- The mice was from  a McPromo for some Dipsney feature that I don't know and don't remember. Maybe it was Cinderelly? Never saw it. "We're you anywhere near Chernobyl comrade?" "I don't remember." (Letterman, summer of '86.)

100_3486.JPGNow we're almost cooking with gas. I think we're cooking with Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagermeister. I made it into the liquor preferred by Bill Clinton. I think I got this button when I got throw uppity from drinking the stuff. I also have a steel stamped ashtray that says Whirlpool from the same night.  What did I do? What did I say? Did I really puke in the buckets used to hold up our radio station's tent? Did we really stop at a quick wash place to rinse the buckets out? 

There's a Zappa button. I like Zappa. I actually had a ton of Zappa and came close to having everything. Then, no job, no future, no rent money, hmmm, these Zappa discs over here gotta be worth something... Then of course, the famous Miami Vice pair of cops, Crockett and Geordi La Forge. Never mind they were a few centuries apart. Then, a self made Kraftwerk "Electric Cafe" pin. Being as this was the first CD I ever bought, it has become the most listened too CD that I own. Why not have a cheap B&W pin created with a xerox and Scotch tape? The Amelia Earhart button was from a previous post. More crap from Curtis Mathes. Well, it's cut off here, but it seems Dolly Parton needs a breast reduction and Nitzer Ebb is on a 10K run. ....and scene.  Button Panel #1, roll away,  adieu. 

-Ric

Watch Me Nay Nay (Genuine Diamond)

  • Posted on
  • by

100_3096.JPGI have lots of watches but very little jewelry. Other than the ring already covered and the countless cheap digital watches and the Rulex bought as a trinket on my only trip to New York to see David Lettermen, no mas on the fine jewelry. Then for Christmas, I got this wonderfully quartz pierre cardin trinket.

100_3097.JPGOooooooohhhhh. Wow. Genuine Diamond. It's in a nice velvet box as well. It's quartz. I never bothered to put a new battery in it. It's got a leatherette band and would have broken off years ago. I think I chose to wear this once or twice. That was it. Look at that GENUINE Diamond. Chip off the old coal puck.

100_3099.JPGCloseups of the "alleged" Genuine Diamond. It does stick it's head out in a sea of black and make it say "Come, rip me off. I'm worth $9.99!" Ahhh, it's safely at rest in my button box. Actually, I'm proud to own this. It's my only Genuine Diamond.

100_3100.JPGPierre Cardin. Aren't they the famous maker of clothes and expensive "Eau De Toillette?" I did but some PC for the moms a few Christmas's. I tooled to the Westgate Higbees and spent whatever little money I'd saved from shlepping french fries to buy a bottle. Aha! I'm assuming that, and this is only an assumption, that this "fine" watch may have been a cheap get when you bought some of the PC crap. Hmmmm.

100_3101.JPGGet this! How to set this watch. No it doesn't have date. No, it doesn't have a stop watch. No, It's not a phone, it doesn't have lights and it isn't a motor car. Not a single luxury. It's like Robinson Crusoe. Primitive as can be.  I like the fact that you spend $5.00 to get this beauty repaired and make sure you insure it for ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Because if some hot shot USPS goes off half cocked and stows this in his hoarding house for ten years, you may never see it again. Genuine QUARTZ. Maybe that's worth ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

100_3098.JPGImagine, they won't even return the box. They would keep the box! I love the box. It clamps shut with a nice "click". I think the box was worth more than the watch. How could it be? Genuine DIAMOND and genuine QUARTZ movement. That's a double rare earth watch! Plus a STAINLESS STEEL back! A man BUILT THIS! It's a WATCH. It's GENUINE. It's not spelled "Rulex" or have a glued on crown.  Great shot by my Kodak camera. It's an Easy Share with a Bill Kreutzmann lens. He was making lenses in-between drumming gigs for the Grateful Dead. That's all. ONE MILLION DOLLARS. One million bottle bags count em'. Public Enemy is back! Nahh, this is too small for Flavor Flav.

ARF! -Ric