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100_4219.JPGWhat the hell is this? "Converts 120 VAC to 12VDC". Micronta? Red Led?  Sure I know. A man built this! It's a power supply!  Where'd it come from? What was it used for? Do I have any other stupid questions before I give up the answer? I'll provide you a question. How come all the cheap meatballs available frozen always taste like dookie and only the better ones cost a ton of money? Oh yeah, because there's MEAT in REAL MEATBALLS. What the hell is in those cheap meatballs? Do you make a meatball from "mechanically separated chicken, pork and beef"? Mom used to make them from ground beef and garlic. No bread crumbs, no egg. Hunts sauce. She must have used an egg bath to hold them together, but no stuffing at all. Even when we were so poor that my brother was stealing the last piece of American cheese from the bread in my lunch, mom made un-stuffed meatballs. . Maybe I just need to cook real food rather than using the microwave to resurrect Bologna balls from the depths of the freezer. 


In a nice steel box. With a real appliance switch. Paint job in that crinkled paint that was used on tools and heavy equipment. So, back when I was heavy into Citizen's Band radio, I used my radios in my car and that was that. 12V was cigarette lighter stuff. The only way to use something that was set up for 12V in the house, was to get a converter if it didn't have one built in. Most CBs didn't. Oh sure, there were base stations and other radio equipment but they were way beyond my pay grade back then.  Even this was costly. I think it was sold for $35, which when you were earning "triple gold" 25 hours a week 3.45 an hour (after 6 months) , it was a bit of an expense. I spent it so that I could talk on the CB to a nearby friend when he wasn't allowed to talk on the phone. He bought the very first portable Sony CD player and kept a quiet library of CD's but his parents would hear none of it. He had some strict parents. He must have a lead lined bedroom to be talking to me on the CB, or his parents thought he was praying... to a guy named Trapper and to the truckers on Ch. 19 from the nearby freeway.

100_4223.JPG That was my CB name. Trapper. It was also my Photon name. I guess I'd taken a liking to the name Trapper. Did I trap anything? Nope. Did I keep anything? Lots of stuff on this junk blog. Did I work in morning radio for years on a adult contemporary station in Cleveland? No. Was I from MASH? That's where I got the name. Did I ever get really good at Photon? Nope. Was I ever the top player at Photon? Nope. (Oh yeah, Photon was the first laser tag game and it was played on a sound stage similar to the catacombs of Star Trek: The Next Generation except in base grey rather than 80's pink and aqua.)  I forget what my friend's CB name was. You needed a fake "handle" if you were on the radio. Now, my friend Boomer would have something to say about this message on the bottom. "No user serviceable parts...blah blah blah" A lot of the CB peeps that had base stations at home usually did HAM radio and if you were a HAM likely you knew your way around the soldiering iron. Boomer BUILDS this stuff.

He recently replaced the blown caps on a cheap digital TV converter that I bought from a thrift store for four bucks because it had the remote. (How worthless are those boxes if they don't have the remote to operate them.) He also built his AM carrier current radio station. (Legal. Uses the wires that bring power to your home to broadcast for a few blocks.) His home TV was upgraded to 32" LCD after he picked one up from the trash and fixed the power supply. Okay, enough about repairs. I learned how to soldier when I worked cookie cutter repairs on CRT monitors for a few months. I still can't tell an OHM rating on a resistor. I guess I'm a user as well.

100_4222.JPGThis was cheap tech, but it was damn good tech. It still works. As it did, as it does. It still has the plastic wrap that protected the back side from scratching. Better yet, it was a bunch of electronics MADE IN THE USA! Made in 1984. Made in the good 'ol USA! I would have thought sure it was made in Taiwan by then.  The only thing bad about this is you had to buy two jacks for the power outlet. I think later they were screws. When you wired up some speaker cable to output these jacks, hooked them to the wires of your CB, it sang! It powered two years of CB use until I lost interest and well, haven't used it since. So really, I don't know if this still works, but with the components it was made from, likely, it still works like a charm. It's outdated as hell now. With discrete chips doing all the work of these massive components nowadays, anything that's meant for 12V use only works on regular power for as low as $2. I have several that convert my Sirius and radio transmitters to home use for nothing in the size a little bigger than a 5V power adapter. Technology moves on. Junk Blog never sleeps.



Everybody's Got One In Their Basement

100_4350.JPGSelf: "Self? I think I need to get a treadmill."

Inner Self: "You just need to diet fat ass. Stop drinking beer beverage. "

Self: "Give up BEER? No No Devo!"

Inner Self: "Well then, why not exercise more than sitting your doompas in front of a monitor."

Self: "I could... It's winter so walking isn't the best unless I join the mall walkers club at a participating dead mall..."

Inner Self: "Gosh, you are a fat blubber whale of a fatbody Private Pyle."

Self: "I know! I'll get a treadmill. I know I'll use it more than 20 times until setting it in the corner of the basement to collect dust. "

Inner Self: "In 10 years or so, it will make a great junk blog post. Go fourth and mortgage that 24 pack!"

100_4356.JPGA man built this! It's a treadmill! I went to the local SEARS (yes, Sears, because Dicks Sporting Goods was $2746 more and Wally had an even cheaper treadmill that seemed like it would be adequate, but not, at least, lasting.)  So, my brother and I went and picked up this sucker and I set it up in a portion of my apartment and I was off to the races. *stumble* *fall* *crashes into a mirror* *breaks a shelf* *hurts foot* *hurts wrist* Maybe I should have been wearing a bicycle helmet while I was striding to no place on this fine machine.  You see, I had lost a LOT of weight, and the key to it was diet, exercise, and giving up beer beverage. I was dry for a hundred days or so and walked about 2 miles. Every day. But, with every diet, there comes the slow pace of gaining everything back. I wasn't horrible, but I'd gained 20 back and it was nearing winter, so what a solution. Join a gym or bring the gym home.  It was a compact unit and I would wheel it out in front of my TV and walk three miles a day.

100_4352.JPGWeslo brand. Cadence 70e. Big deal. At least it does look like it got some use. It did get the use. Through the winter I attempted to use this every day for that at least one mile, but usually two or three. I didn't run on this, because, well, why run? Walking is low impact and I usually do it every day. It's usually when I go to stores or malls. I park in the very back spot away from ijits that open their car doors without a care and dent my doors. Everybody does it.  Who cares. Cars are cheap now. Let the doors fly! *grumble* You know, I had a cheap Chundai vehicle that I traded in a few years ago. I was so proud that the doors and the body of the car had NO DENTS AT ALL...except one from somebody where I worked, right after I'd bought the car, and well, they were not patient enough to open their door slowly. Unfortunately, I parked out of reach of the security cams. If the alt parking lot wasn't being paved...

100_4351.JPGSo it was a extra clean car that I was proud of. I traded it in. Two days later I went back in my new Hyduki and I saw that someone had dented the door with a big pock while my car was awaiting the old loan to clear. A few days later, I went back and my car was on the used car lot and both dents were GONE! It appears they have advanced body work so that they digitally match the color of the paint and with space age fillers, made it look like it never happened. Only the previous owner could have seen where the repairs were made. I wonder if they will last... My previous hoopty a Nissan Sentra was pre dinged when I got it and after a few years at my job, it was like a Chinese checkers board it had so many dents. Ahhh, but when you have a car you care about, the 500 steps into a building is nothing. However someone ALWAYS parks next to me. At least they should be as careful as me. Sure. Superspot is what I call them. If there is a median with a tree, look for me, walking in 100 degree heat.

100_4357.JPGI remember what my brother said when we picked this up. "It's going to end up as a plant stand like thousands of others." I was out to prove him wrong. Like I said, it was six months or so of intense use, but little loss. Why? I loved me some beer beverage. Look at the underside of this majestic workhorse. It's a two AA battery affair. Yes, I'm sure this is the ruin of many of these machines. You put the batteries in it, use it for a bit, then let it collect dust while your batteries expire and ruin the whole thing. Yes, I took mine out. I moved to a house rather than an apartment and thought I'd be using this every day in my basement work out room. *spits Pabst everywhere* I will say that at least I took the batteries out. OH GOOD FOR YOU!

100_4353.JPG...and there it sits. I tried using it again as my pounds started slowly accruing like an Atari 2600 game of Pac Man. I wrenched my jaw and went "bing bing bing" and munched the square power pill while the ghosts really blinked and blinked and blinked.. I did have to adjust the belt a bit to make sure it works and got some real exercise in, but, well, I could sell this but this piece of junk would mean failure. I did give up the beer beverage for one month last year but um...the Cavaliers were in the excuse..but the truth, I lost 10 pounds on the no beer diet. I've kept it off. Wanna lose more? No beer for you. I placed this shirt over the treadmill to cover it up and well, this post may just energize me again to go and start walking and give up that which keeps "Leon is getting LAAARRRGER" (Skitch. Airplane. Thanks.)  -Ric

P.S. You know, one could say my annoying (Skitch. Thanks.) is nothing more than a baffling part of the "junk blog mythos." (Way too much credit.) No, it really does have a twisted meaning. Want to hear it? Here it go.

I was well schooled in David Letterman's 1986 season of Late Night. Comedian Carol Leifer did a bit with Dave at his desk and said a joke to which Paul Shaffer played a "BOMP" to "punch" it. That made Carole look over at Paul Shaffer and say "Skitch.... Thanks...." David Letterman got a huge laugh out of that. I had no idea what it was, but I thought it was a funny way to reference when someone else helps punch your joke to make it funnier. Turns out, she was referencing Skitch Henderson who was Jack Paar's Tonight Show band leader and was at the beginning of Carson's  career on the show. Hence, why David laughed so hard at something baffling to my pre-internet mind. That is all.

Pabst In Bottles? Yes, they make them...

100_4374.JPGThe hipster beer. Pabst. I would be the furthest thing from being a "hipster". It's your father's beer beverage, or, your grand fathers beer beverage. I don't think it's been that popular since the early 80's when everything got to be about smooth, crisp, refreshing. You know, like, the TV Commercials of the 80's taught ya. Everything you always wanted in a beer. Going for the gusto. Spuds McKenzie got more tail than your average pimple faced "Silver Spoons has a kid with a video game in his living room" teenager. It was the beverage we were told will get you drunk. It was BEER. Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie! I'm under aged.

100_4375.JPGUnder aged indeed. Not much money. You think I'd be happy to down such "swill" long before it became hip to drink Pabst. No, we had one of the newest innovation beers to swill. The one with the "lined can". Keystone had just come to the area and that was the beer of choice. With my friend's fake ID and the fix in at a little quick mart, we had an endless supply of cheap ass beer beverage. We would have bonfires in my friend's back yard and a few months later, we had a guest join us unexpectedly bearing booze.

100_4376.JPGShe had a tray of frozen bourbon slushes. Her husband worked overnight at the Ford plant and she would see us from her back yard seeming to laugh and have fun and whiz in the bushes that seemed to grow oh so huge. We welcomed her as one of the guys and we drank and had good times good times. All the time, Keystone or another beer beverage, Busch. We headed for the mountains. Then they came out with ICE beers and Keystone Ice followed. One bad batch spoiled all the fun. It tasted like Elsinore with mice in it. (Doug and Bob McKenzie. Skitch. Thanks.) We started buying Busch and that's the beer I stuck with for years and years. It's a wonder I have any taste buds left.

100_4377.JPGOur friendship grew with this bearer of bourbon slush and we met her husband who also liked a few beers to drink. My friend invited them to a celebration and that's where I learned that many auto workers drank a funky beer called Pabst. Why? It had flavor. I think this party is where I tried my first "Natty Light". I might have even had one of these "Pabsts". It was awful because it had a odd "not so smooth" flavor. Those were called HOPS and those HOPS made the beer taste a bit BITTER. The "beer of the auto worker" became a thing to me and my future radio things. I however, didn't drink the swill. I drank a smooth alcoholic beverage. Busch. Yum.

100_4378.JPGSince this is a blog about junk, I picked these up at a thrift shop like many things on this blog in my pursuit of finding a good digital camera. They are the key chain bottle openers that you may have to open several bottles of beverage but eventually the name on the key chain wears off and the bottle opener becomes worn out. So, why not buy a bag of 20 for 1.59 because they are for something you wouldn't drink in the bottles because they cost a buck more. We'll get back to that in a moment. I have a few more pics to show while I finish my auto worker beer story...

100_4379.JPGYears later when I started "working" in radio, I developed my "Daniel Pentastar" character as an auto worker for the Toledo Jeep plant on Willys Parkway. I based him very loosely on a co-worker and really funny radio host that I worked with, Jaz McKay.  Daniel says "Yeaaaaahhhh Buddy....!" and talks about his job boltin bumpers at the Jeep plant, driving his modified Lingenfelter  (what G. Gordon Liddy was always speaking of) V10 Ram Truck (which was always in the shop) or bopping around his back yard in his Willys CJ7.  He also talked about his favorite beer Pabst Blue Ribbon because it was the beer of the auto worker.  Of course, my radio life had ended, Louisville became my recovery point, and when I started earning some cake, I discovered all things liquor, and then took a liking to coffee and then my adult tastes took me to a microbrew, The Cumberland Brewery, and that was that. I fell into a world of flavor and the bitter the better was the mantra when drinking beer. Pale Ales, IPAs, Double IPAs, Porters and Stouts became manna from heaven.

Ahhh, but those cost a lot of money. When I was at home, I wanted something cheap to drink in between guzzling the good suds. Hence, I started drinking Pabst because of that little bit of bitter from the hops. That was all. Sure I had other cheapies, but Pabst seemed to be the beverage I would always return too. It was cheap. It's always cheap. But, it's been growing every year since the early 00's and took on the "hipster beer" reputation. I don't care. My preferred type is the 24oz King Can that I get in a 12 pack from Pitt for 13.99. Thanks to Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel's Man Show bringing us  Bill "The Fox" Foster and his chant Ziggy Zocky Ziggy Zocky Hoy Hoy Hoy when he downed a beer... I call the 24oz servings of Pabst "Ziggy Zockys". (Yes I know I'm not spelling in correctly. So what.)

100_4382.JPGEnter the CBS eye. It winks at you. It opens and closes like a camera lens on the ending of Twilight Zone eps they show on MeTV,. Heh. It's a bottle opener forged in the USA by the Sears Craftsman tool company. Likely one of the few tools made in the USA by a failing company. Oh don't worry, Craftsman will be a brand they sell off along with DieHard batteries. They already have DieHard televisions...and K-Mart owns the Curtis Mathes brand... What a bunch of sheis.

100_4380.JPGWell cuz.... I have a ton of Pabst bottle openers now. I never buy Pabst in bottles. I do buy other beers in the bottle and I open said bottles with the mighty Craftsman bottle opener. It's big and heavy and opens bottles like every other bottle opener. It will likely last for years and years, but it's not that portable that you can place it on your key chain like a 94.5 WXKR chain with the worn out lettering and the bottle opener that skips six or seven times before it finally opens your bottle. Eh. Drink at home or drink from a can. There's lots and lots of craft beers in a can these days as they get more popular. Cheaper and more places than glass.

Addams Family. The thinking man's Munsters.  Get the DVD's today at a 'Zon near you. :) -Ric

NEXT DAY UPDATE: I wrote this blog 1/5.  On 1/6 I found out that ideed, Sears is parting with the Craftsman name. They'll still have the crap to sell, but Black and Decker is going *GULP*. Craftsman Dustbusters! YAY!

Christmas Junk #15 - Fake Kanky Canes

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100_3875.JPGI just noticed it. How much would these canes cost if you bought then at a participating TJMaxx along with your leaky coffee maker and slightly irregular sheets with the stitches missing. The green marker has gotten old enough to reveal. Awww, what do I care. These were gifted to me as two sets combined. Half and half. Half Injuns and Half Brownies. Since I don't put candy canes on my tree, these make a good substitution and take up some unadorned branches on the tree. Hence the brand name "Forever". Wow. See, they can last forever, so, they are "Forever". See. Thank you Mr. Obvious.

 100_3879.JPG They look very tasty. I wonder what officially licensed NFL canes taste like? Failure? Misery? Foam? Likely the latter. Yes, as our Cleveland Browns go down with the worst season as long as I've been watching, I still hang these canes with pride as they weigh down each branch in hopes that a victory, any victory, in more than a year, can come to the city of champeens. Minor League Hockey? Check. 2016 NBA CHAMPION CAVALIERS? Check. Yeah, I parrot that a little too much.

100_3880.JPGSee, we had our Injuns go all the way this year. Extra innings in the 7th game of the big show. All that really meant when we lost the big one is that I got some extended listening to Tom Hamilton, who is the best baseball guy ever! Gee, that's just like your baseball play by play guy. Everybody's play by play guy is the best play by play guy to them. Hammy is the best! Come On! Hammy is is nickname. Hammy! He's not Harry Steak or Jerry Fish or Larry Assmuccio...

In Lebron We Trust. I have always been a fan of the Browns. I'm even wearing their sweatshirt as I type this in anticipation of a Saturday loss. Go team! The Injuns I kind of became a fan of when I could at least hear every game, so I'm a late comer. 2002 or so. When we were jamming in the mid 90's, I was all about building a radio thing so blah blah blah. So, I got Injuns and Browns candy canes to hang on the tree. Which one do you think is going to keep being champeens? Come on CAVS, you can make it happen!

DISCLAIMER: If you're from somewhere else, you don't care. There's a whole lot more junk to see here in past posts. Just had to do a little home team Christmas blah blah blah. Merry Christmas to all and to all GOOD BOOZE! (Skitch! Mike O' Meara Podcast! Thanks.)


Christmas Junk #14 POOH! (You dealt it....)

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100_3910.JPGMr. Fat Hanz is holding a 2003 addition to the junk on my Christmas tree. Is it one of those fancy micro mini porn books you find next to the tacky little pamphlets in yo daddy's bottom drawer? I could only wish it was a Frank Zappa induced item. No, it's a blue balloon held by a certain cartoon character that I didn't find much enjoyment in my childhood because the evil Dipsney company only wheeled him out on their Sunday show and only every now and then.

100_3911.JPGIt's him. The little bear who will remain nameless. I do remember singing the theme song when I was a kid and added "P.U." Hahahahahahah. See, he's POOH and that sounds like he's named after the fudge that comes from your tuckus.  HAHAHAHA. It was what we did when we were kids.  We built tree forts out of remainder items found in the trash from someone's kitchen remodel. We rode the tires off our bikes or burned holes in our big wheels so they still rolled but went "fwop fwop fwop" where the plastic had worn out. I wish I had more to say on this one, but I'd rather discuss Eyore, the constantly depressed donkey. That was a more appealing character to me. Of course, there is Tigger. Frankly, Bugs Bunny was my comedy cartoon when growing up...that and the pig who was the army sergeant on the second season of the Laverne and Shirley cartoon. You know, where they got imitators to do the voices? "Geee SHOIL..." 

100_3912.JPGSo, this is a festive Christmas ornament? The cartoon logic of the text in this is, well... He is a "stuffed" bear, so he must not have any weight. The mini figurine is nice, so I always have this on my tree open so you can see it. A man built this! It's a decoration! The best thing about this? You can't really tell those are bees going after him in the picture so it appears the bear is having a bit of digestive trouble and he's shatting about the place. No, wait, he was POOH-Ing! HAHAHA! Eh...  MERRY CHRISTMAS!  Junk Blog. -Ric

Christmas Junk 13th Floor Vending

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100_3815.JPG13th Floor Elevators. 13Th Floor Vending Machine. 13th entry in the Christmas junk series. We're in the quickening. When Highlander 2: The Quickening came out, it was Siskel and Eberts' worst movies and also made their top 10 worst films for the year. Maybe the "quickening" was a buzz word for all about 5 minutes in the 80's. It made it into a lyric of a Grateful Dead song. I believe it was Gene Siskel that was laughing really hard about the title of the movie. He just found it so amusing. As a writer and a critic, he probably felt like it was nonsense or gibberish. It was like Ally G interviewing Andy Rooney...that racialist. So, what the hell is this? Is it for the quickening?

100_3817.JPGWhat's this? A doggy? Surprise! We'll get to the beer cans later. Right now we gotta talk about this bit of cute. Look at how that bread tie is tied around in such a way that makes this decoration hang up on the tree. What we have here is a dog of no fixed hairstyle. His tail is on a spring so it wags. He's got a red collar. His tongue is happily out of his mush. What can he be happy about? Is he going to get on with The Quickening? *dun dunnn*

100_3814.JPGThere's a little doggy symbol at the top. There's also a bit of dust. Do you suppose the dust came from THE QUICKENING??  Nahhhh. This came from a Hallmark Christmas Ornaments display at a participating Kohls.  If I were a dog, I'd be excited about finding this magical machine right smack dab in the QUICKENING! Of course, I would seemed to have lost my pockets! (Skitch. Loose Shoes. Thanks.)

100_3812.JPGTadaaahhhh. This is another piece of crap that I also bought a duplicate of for Boomer. He loves this crap, but the previous post already talked about that. What's wrong with liking "Doggie Delites" In a Vend-Dog-Matic. This is another Christmas ornament that resides next to the Dr. Duck can.  A bone. A tennis ball. A slipper. A disc from the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where everybody gets hooked on an alien game that is really a mind control device and Wesley Crusher saves the day. Time warp. Quickening. A rolled up newspaper. A cuddly wuddy teddy bear shat out by Radar O' Riley. The picture obscures the doggie treats and the hot dog. Then you see the tug toy. Oh yeah, Paul Lynde is in the center square! "Oh these doggie treats, they are terrible with human teeth. A little grainy, but wonderful in a martini." No, maybe it's Bruce Valanche on the Whoopiwood Squares. " I love writing lame jokes for awards shows and I love to eat lots of bones. I like Milkbones too! Ha! I'm the second coming of William Gaines!"

Wow. Now I'm reaching. Isn't this KEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTE? -Ric

Christmas Junk #12 That's Singing???

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100_3802.JPGCarolling carolling now we go, wrapped in a zip tie on a flat bed covered in glitter and beige pillow-y crap. My song book will be written in the proper Queen's English in dog speak so I can understand it. Woof! Woof! Bark. Pawprint. I'm wearing a scarf too! Perfect to clean any vomit from being pulled on this wood deal. Ain't I the cutest piece of crap you every saw?

100_3804.JPGTruth be told, and why shouldn't I share the truth? Hey, let me tell a lie! I was ***of legal age***  years old and found this in my back yard and when I picked it up, I found a doorway to another dimension where all the people were pets and the pets were people but there was a mix of both like in Bojack Horseman. I quickly befriended a golden retriever named "Mr. Joint" and he showed me the reefer way through reefer land and I met his friends "Stoney Stone Cat" and "Mr. Owl." The first thing I asked Mr. Owl was how many licks would it take to get to the Cannabis in my marijuana pop? He took it from me, and gave a few licks while saying  "One, TwoWHOOOOOOOOO, Three" Then he chomped the whole thing in his mouth and handed me the empty stick and smugly said "Three!"  Stoney Stone Cat then attacked and ate him. He smiled while wiping the blood from his muzzle and said "I'm still a cat...couldn't help it." 

100_3803.JPGI know, stupid right? I should know my audience for this junk blog better than that. We tend to have all ages and stoners and animal lovers and peeps who may remember obscure references to an all time classic commercial. What the hell is with this decoration and why do you care? Well, it is a cute little piece of crap right? So cute, this is one of the decorations that I keep out all year. Who wouldn't want some extra figurines broken from some Christmas figurine set? Let me splain what's doin' ova dey...

100_3806.JPGLong ago, I visited a friend near Christmas time, and we went to Bowling Green, Ohio to see another of Ohio's many dying small town malls and go to Finders records. We walked the "downtown" part of Bowling Green and decided to go into a crap store. (You know, one that had a bunch of crap in the window, including seasonal crap like this!) Lots of the crap in this store was high priced figurines and other crap and I believe Beanie Babies were still a hot collectors turd. I worked my way to the back of the store for "clearance" crap. On the table, they had two of these adorable pieces of crap and they were pretty cheap compared to all the other crap, so I bought them both. I knew Boomer would like crap like this. I don't think my friend bought any crap at the crap store. He likes rodentia and sensimilla, not canids. You figure it out. 

100_3805.JPGI even looked this up on the web to see what kind of crap it was. It was tough because I didn't know what Christmas village set of crap this came from. I found it, but don't ask because I don't remember. However, they went to good homes. The zip ties on this are so I can hang it on my Christmas tree. There really isn't anywhere to put it up on the tree without. The "tow" rope with a "bone" just wouldn't do it. Yeah, I'm a softy when it comes to orphan crap like this and it sits year round on the shelf above my computer monitor next to the ALCO cans of pop. You know? Blizz Cola? Dr. Duck? Squirz orange, grape and lemon lime sodas?  Yes, I know they were likely Shasta re-branded for ALCO discount stores. All gone now. Maybe those should go on the tree as well. Hmmmmmmmmm.


100_3873.JPGI pretty much took pics of ALL of my various Christmas junk. So, here are a few without much of a story just to show three sets of pictures. Hey, why not have a stocking for your pet?  Do I have a pet? No. Do I want a pet? Not really. Do I want to have a paw print stocking that I got from a dollar store to put out and not fill with anything, but have it be a barky Christmas? That's MONEY.

100_3874.JPGI just included this picture because it's actually hanging up. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, but there was a f-ing paw pad stocking hung from the cheap video/audio shelving units with very little care. Hopes that St. Nick soon will do that voodoo that he do and fill my stocking with CA$H...or a squeak toy and some milk bones.


Aha! Maybe I got the stocking for this decoration! My tree has a few themes. Broke ass. Crappy retail work. Low end beer. Free key chains... and DOGS! I was in my Super K-Mart for Christmas a few years back and I found this hanging from a chip clip. (Hanging device to fill every inch of available space in a store.)  Wow. It was big and they had a few so I had to have one. It was only once a year I went to Super K-Mart for last minute Christmas ideas, and I'd always end up with something. It was a Super K-Mart that was one of the very first stores around Cleveland to be 24/7. Zayre had long since gone under and even so, they were only 24/7 at Christmas. When I was younger, I even made fun of this K-Mart as the suburb it was near was of a "certain ethnic" nature. (Skitch. Big Chuck and Lil' John.) They moved the whole shee-bang to a bigger store and was really popular until a few years ago when they started shrivelling away. This had to be the last time I was inside the joint. I don't like going to any "going out of business, nothing held back" sales. There are no deals to be had until 90% off dented cans of TREET or demo mini refrigerators used in the sporting goods department to hold fishing worms. I think this makes a great decoration rather than using it for what it was meant for...

100_3949.JPGYeah. A pot scrubber. Could you scrub your pots with this pup? Rub his nose in your burnt eggs? Maybe if you had the pots advertised by the old chick from Poltergeist that thinks good eating is dumping uncooked crap in a pan, layering it with gravy and shoving it in the oven. I know, I'm being harsh. You know with separate S&H you can get a second pan free? To quote Adam Carolla... "SsssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhOCKING."

100_3867.JPGMr. Fat Hanz is showing another piece of Christmas debris I've collected. It's way too big for a tree decoration. It's meant for your door. We did sled a bit when we were younger, down the minor grade hill of my elementary school. My brother even had a sled, but most of the time, we took cardboard boxes and smeared them with candles and that was supposed to work great. It didn't. We built some great snow forts and when my brother didn't crash the top in after we did all the work, you'd most likely find dog crap in it the next day. We didn't have something for a door for our snow forts. This sled would be a wonderful addition to a snow fort door, which we didn't have.

100_3868.JPGGet the wax! It helps the sleigh. Nah, we'll put a wire on it and we'll put it on our door. Yes, this was a gift given to me that I pull out every year, hang on the front door on the inside and always have to dodge when I get my mail. Reminders of the wonderful Christmas season.  I could hang it from my toilet! Festive Christmas toilet! I'm sure peeps decorate their toilets all the time! Thinking about Santa while dooting another yule log?  Hmmmmm.


100_3821.JPGWelcome in to the Christmas Junk Series. I'll try to get a few more posts up before Christmas. Hey, everyputz needs a vacation. I don't even have my tree up yet. So, I'll just take the longest series of pictures I have in my collection and do it as a happy holidays greet post. Yes, you must be laughing now. I don't have a train set. I don't have a "collectable village". Yet, I HAD to buy this. It was $5! It was a bargain. It was advertising the second coming of Woolworths stores minus the eatin' counters. It's for "indoor use only." If you put it outside, it will grow thousands of times the size and peeps will start coming in and asking if you have cheap toilet paper or fake Listerine for $3.

100_3825.JPG ....and that's all she wrote. You see, I used to love Woolworths but never shopped there. I would go there from time to time for something nobody else would have. Need a plastic laundry drying rack? They would have it. Need a cut out of Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band Movie Soundtrack? They would have it. Wanted one of them photo booth strips taken? They'd have it. Wanted a 10oz glass of Coke with those pebble ice and a burger and fries all for about $3? They would have it.  They all closed and the world was thinner for 5 and 10 stores. Dollar Stores started to creep in, but when I moved to Louisville, I found what would become a store I could swear in. Er... By...

100_3827.JPGGotta love foam. It's so permanent. My Saturn had foam pieces parts as does every modern car on the road. In fact, my Saturn's engine was cast with a foam base! I remember seeing the slight grooves in the block that looks like foam was there. Neat. The caution tag is a bit of a worry. This has an electric lamp in it, but I can't use it as a night light? Only a max of 90 days? Um, why? Is this DG store going to self destruct leaving a pile of cheap batteries and generic pop? You mean this won't disintegrate into Xtra detergent and 5$ sweat pants? Moving on.

100_3830.JPGReally? Really? You're kidding. You mean these were such hot $5 items that I might have wandered into some other dollar store, maybe one that sells pottery pets with from China with human naughty bits attached? I'd walk in and ask the minimum wage employee: "Do you have any official Vintage Dollar General Store light up small city decorations?" They'd likely say "Yes! Yes we do! Just got a shipment in yesterday. 1500 of those little worthless things and we're selling then for $3.00 each, 14 for $6. Can I put you down for 7? Buy 13 get 26 free!"  I'd reply "...but do they have a CERTIFICATE of AUTHENTICITY? I may want to put this outside for 6 months and I need to be assured it's a genuine DOLGENCORP!" "No sir, these are BLEMS and have a full set of human naughty bits on the side of the building." "Sorry, it's not what I want, I will take the 1.00 bag of frozen simulated meatballs and some $1 packs of Eclipse gum."

100_3831.JPGAll jokes aside, I love shopping at DOLllarGENeralCORPoration stores. If you have no other store close by other than drug stores or even said dollar store, you can count on Dollar General. Cheapest prices on staples that we all need and want. You may find something a few cents cheaper at a Wally store, but the hassle.. Laundry detergent, mouthwash, over the counter drugs, paper products, bath products, cheap groceries, even certain clothing, electronics or kitchen stuff... Of course, they have crap like this as well. It was cheap. It's kinda nice. It's a Christmas tradition. Please.

100_3832.JPGSee? It's AUTHENTIC! No human bits hanging out of a window. I mean, were there Chinese workers paid 15 cents an hour to breathe in the paint to spread on the bad pretzel shaped windows at the top? Have you passed a nail place in a mall lately? Did the employees that made this little trinket say the hell with it and migrated to America only to paint mini American flags on fingernails? We're the land of opportunity all right. Yeah, I'm being too hard on the makers of this fine Christmas heirloom. "Son, I will leave you my Authentic DOLGENCORP store in my will. You can cherish it for many years to come." "Dad, I'm getting married to George, your best friend." "This is a HEIRLOOM, I better not hear the corner of it  ending up where it shouldn't!"

100_3833.JPG"But DAD! You plug it in! It has to vibrate!" "Son, I think I should tell you, you're part wolf!  I've been able to suppress it but when you're playing basketball you're going to turn into a man beast and everybody in the gym will cheer." "Dad? You been drinking?" "Yes son, I'm in the bag right now. That's why I so much love when it's time to light up this AUTHENTIC heirloom, and then I'll go and buy a $5 non stick frying pan and some cheap batteries." "So, you're okay with me and George?" "Whatever makes you happy son. You can even wear Mom's dress." "SquEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" *scene*

100_3835.JPGThe MONEY SHOT! It lights up. When the lights are low and the tree is lit, I have this little gem sitting under the tree next to the Big Lots cap and under the Augustiner aluminium beer bottle. I don't think anybody has said anything about it. It's not a conversation piece. I get more comments on the beer cans hanging or the retail debris. F-It. It was my $5 investment that will last forever as long as it's less than 90 days.

100_3838.JPG"Good night John Boy."

"Good night President Quayle."



Where The "No! T Foot" Saga Continued

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100_4398.JPGI love me some thrift shops. I didn't buy this for this junk blog, but I bought this for personal reasons. Make no mistake, it is junk. But, to a kid that grew up making tapes on this damn thing, when I found one in near perfect condition, I had to buy it. "No! T Foot" was actually recorded on my first GE tape recorder which was this very machine without the silver speaker screen or the built in microphone. I had my tape recorder at a friend/babysitters house and being a kid, I had to record myself letting a hot and beefy "wind" fly. So, because it had a wired microphone, I positioned myself on the fabric covered recliner in such a way to "Dutch oven" the microphone and let my gas come out. Keep in mind, I was paying attention to the exclusive fidelity of my ass flaps as it resonated a small but powerful "Ferrrrrrt".  I was that age. I just created a masterpiece of audio wizardry.

I didn't realize, that back in the days when parents spanked their kids when they did something stupid, my friend had done something to offend his mom. Therefore his mom responded with a good swift open handed spank to his rear. He let out a horrified "NO!" then you heard the SMACK. When I played back the tape, I was thinking that I had a $1000 pinpoint highly efficient condenser microphone because it caught the "punishment" at the exact time I "punished" the microphone. Thus, I created the code "No! T Foot". It sounded like someone shouting NO then you hear a sharp smack which sounds like "TCCCH" and then my wind was "Frrrt" , which said fast, sounds like FOOT.  Only on the junk blog will you get a two paragraph explanation of something so insignificant yet, very me.

100_4402.JPG This is essentially identical to my first GE from the back. The microphone wire had given way and didn't work well despite splices and speaker wire replacements. Plus, I used it so much, the play button had worn through the plastic "stop" and would not stay down. I had to do surgery on it and jam a marker in the place where the play button was to get it to play. I had moved to a different city and had new friends and one of them had this unit that he really didn't use. I think I paid him $5 for it, which was a TON of money to me, but it was easier to record tapes with the microphone on the unit itself. 

100_4399.JPGI mean everything was the same. You still had to manually release the Kracken and the space that said "IC" covered up where the microphone is on this unit. I learned all about "Auto Level" using this tape recorder. There would be no more "No! T Foot" with this one. I'd have to sit on the machine, ahhhh but I was a feather weight back in the day. You see, when you were recording a silent area and then had a loud noise, the ALC (auto level control) would freak out and boost the volume of what it was trying to record, then it would "jump an audio cliff" when the noise started again. Lots of my tapes made on this have all sorts of split second distortions caused by this. Of course, this was a cheap tape recorder, and it didn't have any way to either turn off the ALC or manually control it. I couldn't complain, the play button WORKED and wouldn't double as a highlighter.



We used to go to a Zayre in Elyria and that's where I got the orange Certron C60s (30 minutes a side) in the three packs for about a dollar. Again, when I was really young, that was a TON of money, but I had to have them. When they ran a silly deal on them like buy one get one free, I begged mom for the buck so that I could feed the monster and make noise into my stupid tape machine. I did parodies of SNL's Weekend Update having Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd at the news desk and my own "Dan Killy" as the on the street reporter. I taped off of a GE B&W TV many tapes of the "Hoolihan and Big Chuck" (Later Big Chuck and Little John) show.  When I moved near the lake, I was near the first K-Mart I ever went too and they had "SIM" tapes that were cheaper than "Rainbow" tapes, but I got them both so I could record parodies of G98's G-Team In The Morning Show and theme songs from TV shows like Delta House (Animal House in short lived TV format.) I'd seen these devices that actually recorded television programs where you could watch the program over and over on your TV rather than just listening to the static created by recording it from the speaker.... It was the early 80's. They were refrigerator sized boxes that cost a million dollars. Ahh, but I could revisit the audio of  "a very special episode of M*A*S*H" all I wanted in Certron fidelity. 

100_4401.JPG Yep. It was the same. I had an electric adapter for these GE recorders twice, but the wires would always go bad within a year. I remember when I got this GE, I asked for the really expensive NICAD batteries and charger for this so I wouldn't burn through another set of silver Eveready general purpose batteries. I got I think they were "Dynacharge" batteries, and well, they were lumps of coal by the time I couldn't use them anymore. They got used up for sure. Plus, I then asked for an AM/FM tape recorder that you could plug in! No more of those batteries. No more adapters! My Mom took me to the K-Mart but they didn't have the one that I wanted in stock, so I got the McDonald Instruments tape recorder with the fancy power meter. If you've been reading this blog, you know I have only the power meter to show for that POS.  I'd completely forgotten about this tape recorder until I found it in the thrift store. Now I gotta edit  that  previous post. Damn. More work. I need a beer. Junk Blog. -Ric