Anthropomorphic Retail by Ricochet 04/27/1999 "Christopher from electronics, dial 496!" Chris heard that page screeching from the overhead speakers in the huge discount store he worked in. A superstore. A Mecca for the low-buck consumer types. If the company lost money and went out of business, he'd laugh and go to the next dump. He'd done it before, as the retail world can sometimes be unstable, and it's always cruel to its employees. It didn't bug him that much because he had bigger dreams than staying a lackey for discount chains. He hated retail, but his experience got him a better paying job in retail than any other job he could take, so he stayed. It was love-hate. He liked some things about retail, but hated how low the retail business had sunk in employees, profit margins and customer expectations. "Christopher from electronics, 496" Chris cursed to himself as his name was called again just as he was picking up a department phone. "This is Chris, what's up?" "Chris, it's Lisa in housewares...um..I have a gentleman here who's looking for an..um..Furtronics DNA transfer system?" Her stumbling on the words made Chris choke back a laugh. "What is that?" "The gentleman says he spoke with you and you said we had them in stock, um, can you come back here?" "Sure, I'll be right there." Chris made his way back to his department, looking for Lisa and the mystery guest. He passed one aisle, two aisles, then he stopped in his tracks. His jaw dropped. "Hey Chris, this gentleman needs your help..." A low-pitched "thanks young lady" emanated from the being standing next to her. She turned and walked away without a care. "Don't worry Christopher, to her I look like a middle aged and rather portly human." Chris blinked over and over, but he indeed wasn't dreaming. The being speaking to him was a morphic bear, and a familiar looking bear too, similar to one he'd seen on television. He stepped over to the being cautiously. "You...you..know my name?" "Sure! We know you as one of the humans that would like to meet and be one of our kind, and right now, I need your kind!" "A bear? Um.." "No silly, I know what you want to be, and we have those too, where I come from, it's like you imagined, only I'm changing the rules a little, and that's why I need your help." "What does that mean?" "What I MEAN my dear Christopher, is how badly do you want the genotype you desire?" "Are you kidding? What would I have to do to get it?" "Well, I'm a recruiter of sorts, and we need more like you that are well trained in your profession." Chris laughed a bit and couldn't believe what he was being asked. "So, you're saying you'll make me into a morphic retriever, only if I go to work for you in...my profession? You mean retail?" The bear smiled and extended his paw. Chris reached out for the paw without hesitation and vanished. Sporting shiny red fur, a long muzzle with a wet nose, floppy ears and a beautiful fluffy tail, Chris (now known as Krieger) strolled down the aisles of the brand new Paw&Claw superstore that he was now proudly the manager of. "Excuse me sir," said a morphic Calico cat, "where do I find the floppy cat pillows you had on sale?" "Floppy cat pillows are over in meowswares . . . race ya?" "You got it dog boy," replied the Calicomorph. Krieger and his furry customer bounded playfully off toward the department in question. Indeed he'd found a way to fully enjoy retail. -Ricochet 4/27/99 (in a retail mood)