Nobody keeps crap like this right? That's what I keep asking myself. Yes, I've said before that I carry Velcro wallets. I have been since I don't know when. They don't wear out much, but when they do, they look like something in the bottom of the clutch housing when the clutch in your 1988 Grand Am "Parmavagen" blew up.

Yes, I know. Those plastic things that hold credit cards can be purchased from Wally for a buck. No, I like to pile several layers of clear tape over each one and never buy anything new if I can help it. Cheap. Frugal? Nope. Cheap. This one has pen marks on it, so maybe that's why I've kept it. Maybe this was the wallet I carried in high school. "Hey, is that a big red Velcro wallet in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" "Why yes Mrs. Miller, it is a red wallet in my pocket and I'm always happy to see your smiling face here in remedial English. "

I remember where I got this one now! I bought it at a new outlet mall called Aurora Farms. It was quaint when it opened, little buildings around a lake. It was very nice. When two huge strip centers went in a few miles away, the place started to fade, so they added a huge U shaped strip center of their own with the parking lot in the center. It's pretty full, but not a lot of fun. ROLFS was the brand, I liked that because I always admired the piano playing of Rowlf on the Muppets. Who knew dogs could rock on the 88's. This also has a Velcro secured change purse. I liked that as well. I wasn't carrying much more than change for a $20, so this was handy. My current wallet change thingy was sealed by a zipper that broke.

There is the guts of it. Again, layers of tape tried to hold this thing together for a really long time. Through many of my crappy jobs that I've featured on this blog, I had this smelly piece of fabric protecting my money, cards, license and pictures of Jerry Lewis.  Hey! Beer, wine, chips and BIC CIGARETTE LIGHTERS! We're Super America.

ICK! Indeed. When the wallet starts to look like this, you have two more years to use it! I could have gone duct tape commando on this and used it for even a few more years, but I got a green one, and well, I put this one to rest. Of course I didn't throw it out. If this wallet could talk... "Bathe me BI*CH!" "You should get netting to keep those moths from flying away when you open me." "Invest in tape!"

BONUS! It's the next one waiting in the wings. Yes, it has a cruddy zipper for a change purse. I give that maybe two years. I've actually got a couple. None of them say "Bad Mother F**Ker" . I do have a dollar store wallet that says "sport". Hmmm, what "sport" am I involved in? The hunt and peckers team? The eating is fundamental group?

Mr Fathanz and special guest star, Army Irving and uncredited cameo, cheap banz man, Casio McGee.  This could be the ugliest picture ever to be posted on this blog. No card thingy to tape. Looks as flimsy as the cardboard behind it. A man built this! It's a WALLET. Junk that will eventually get the call from the bullpen. I don't know, I have that nice leather one I posted about earlier... OH! The Browns for the win kick a field goal and it's BLOCKED and the Ravens get the live ball and...TOUCHDOWN. I think I'll flush this turd of misery down the terlit. *waves* Junk. -Ric