Cootie Cootie Cootie (Games Junk #15)

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100_4410.JPGIt's from Schaper. This one found in a thrift store is 90% complete. It was cheap, so I bought it for the kitsch of it. I never owned this game, but when I went to my cousins house, we'd play this from time to time until they had lost all the parts or they were sucked up in the vacuum. You'd be surprised how many games that kids get lose parts to the vac or dropped down heating vents. I lost two pair of good headphones to the evil vac. Countless army guys, Lite Brite pegs, misc game pieces as well as 16 cents were found in the vents when my furnace was replaced. Dig that funky 60's writing in the name "Cootie".

100_4411.JPGI like that the box had a little strap on it so you could carry your cooties all over the place. Of course, I don't think I wanted too. Girls would all say that "I have COOTIES" and all I could say is "Yes, Wanna play this really moronic game that has been played by more that 40 million children in two generations?" They would laugh and go play dolly while I'd proceed to light the Cooties on fire and watch them melt as all boys did. Fire was cool.

100_4414.JPGHere was another slogan on the box. Lots of slogans on this box. "The Cootie Company" was a nifty game company as well. It was Schaper. She-OP. I like that game company name. It's almost as catchy as one of my favorite grocery store chains. SHEEEEEOP and SAVE! You see when you go there, you SHOP and then...strangely SAVE! Hahahahahahahaha.

100_4412.JPGHere's why I couldn't love the Cootie. "Two Or More Players". Really, I wouldn't have anybody to play this with or if I did, it would be a bore fest after one game and I'd quickly see how these Cooties held up to bombings with Legos or some other worthless time killer. In fact, I think the only game I may have had listed on the back of this was "Don't Break The Ice" bought from a thrift shop when I was a few years older. I used to race Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars across the ice breaking cubes until the cars fell through or the "bridge" caved in. That was fun. I used to tape books together to make bridges across my room. Heh. See what we did before there was EVERYTHING else?

100_4417.JPGThe funny thing was, I never remember this part of the game. I guess you rolled the dice and found piece that you could make your little plastic bug with. I guess.  We never had this when I was playing at my cousins place. You placed the pieces parts in this board and pulled them out when you were putting together your Cootie. They might have done away with this board because it encourages the little ones to pull legs and wings of captured insects. ICK. I wouldn't even get close to a bug. We had the biting flies and all I ever did was swat them to their deaths or watched them fry on those cheap blue electric lamps we put up. You can check in, but you'll never... *ZZZZAP*

100_4418.JPGHere they are, all assembled. One is sans eyes. Like I said, this isn't a complete set, but I can't trace down the original owner of this game. If I could, I could tear up their furnace to find the parts. Likely I'd just end up with 16 cents. Aren't they cute little plastic bugs? Do you use plastic bug spray to get rid of them? CB-38. Preferred by 4 out of 5 frenzied Northeast employees that don't bathe despite their B.O.

100_4419.JPGHey. These are complete. There was enough parts for three out of four. They almost look like they are alive. It's another chance to have more fun than I ever did playing with this plastic crap as a kid. Can I think of a story where these things do battle and beat themselves silly and all the parts will fall down the vents and remain in the heating pipes until the heater gets replaced? Well...

100_4420.JPG"I am QUEEN PINK BUG. I may LOOK like every adult toy available at shops near the airport, but I'm no VIBRATOR. I am BUG! I will scatter when the lights come on and outrun any attempt to squash me underfoot. I'm QUEEN PINKBUG! Two SNAPS up with a CIRCLE! Give me some FRUITY DRINKS! Show me to the BATHS! I'm QUEEN PINKBUG!"

100_4421.JPG"Well I'm KING REDBUG! I'm not used as much as your color when making ADULT TOYS but I am associated with FIRE and EVIL. That makes me the RULER of the Cootie Bugs. I am the RULER"

"Um, Hey guys, I don't have any eyes, but I am GREEN and that means I'm a sick little BITCH. So, I'm the ruler of the Cooties. You can call me John Erreiah."

100_4422.JPG"Hey you crazy bugs. A Boo Boo baby. I'm the Blue Cootie baby. I got the BLUES. Call me K. Blooey. I'm not in this fight right. I'm just going to smoke dope over there and listen to some obscure jazz on Blue Note bay-bee. Here, I'm even laying down to show submission. You guys need to chill out man. Make peace not war man..."

100_4423.JPG"Eaaaaaagh Eaaaagh I'm no GREEN COOTIE with no yellow eyes like DATA would have had if this was a episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation or the bad last I am a ROBOT! ROBOT BUG! DATA BUG! Microsoft BUG! Green screen of DEATH! Like in FUTUREWORLD. They made noises like EAAAAAGH when their faces were removed revealing that they were robots. We'd get played a whole bunch of times on Cleveland's Big Chuck and Lil John making an impression on the author of this blog. Our prequel WESTWORLD would be a made into a TV show in 2016. We're ROBOZ, not like in the TV show RIPTIDE with master actors Perry King and Joe Penny. NO, we're put here to make all COOTIES conform to the COOTIE COLLECTIVE! You will be ASSIMILATED."

100_4424.JPG"AH HA HA! You are now part of the COLLECTIVE. Even you QUEEN PINK BUG. Now I SHAT on your PINK BODY. Um...well, that would be kind of gross since you look like an adult toy. It would imply that you either have a poo fetish or you were used to enter a place that is normally an exit. Ick. We don't have any of that nonsense in the COOTIE COLLECTIVE. We are all of one purpose. We will DOMINATE all of COOTIE world. We will fly into a vent and lose our wings and be called NOT TERMITES by a NODDING HEADED LADY!  Er..what's that noise? It's getting louder and LOUDER. OH NO! IS THERE ANY ESCAPE FROM NOISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"



100_4425.JPGWell, I didn't blur out the address on this one because it's long gone. I sucked all the Cooties up in my Dirt Devil in the last post. I tossed them in the trash long ago so there will be no more threats from any Cootie. Funny that toy manufacturers use to have replacement plastic parts available with a mail away coupon. Of course you could get "X-Ray" glasses and "Sea Monkeys" and "Space Rocks" from the back of comic books for cheap, so why not offer replacement plastic parts to your precious Cootie game for only a 50 cent investment to a likely $2.98 game. Heh. You could get HEAD or TAIL or even TOUNGE for 50 cents back in the day. Heh heh heh. Mr. Smutty mind. Just ask for "Catalog No. 200 B".