Lookit! It's a JUNK BAG. It seems like something you would get from any thrift shop and filled with junk from your favorite fast food joint. Now that McDonalds has announced that they are not going to give out "Happy Meal" prizes made from plastic, we all have to mourn all the junk that could have fallen down our heater registers or chewed up by our dogs. Of course, if you worked at McDonalds in your formative years and you fondly remember those premiums that were in every box o burger given to a youngster.. Junksters like me kept some junk in hopes that it would be worth something or somehow there would be a personal museum to this junk. Search on the web for McDonaldsarina. (Is that a word? Who cares.)

First to the junk that crewmembers had to wear. Of course I kept this crap. I love buttons. There was a store in my local mall that had thousands of funny buttons to choose from and I used to buy my friends buttons that kind fit their personality every year for a few years. Nothing beats one of the guys giving one of our hot managers a pin on some undies. The pin was a picture of a strawberry and said "Sweet". We fell about the place. Thankfully this gal was one of the "cool" managers who didn't care that we'd point at her and say "I want to know what love is, and I want YOU..." Ahhh, the 80's and being a nugget head.

Here is something that some of you might remember but most of you will have no idea. Lettuce & Tomato Special is what McDonalds called a great idea. It was a quarter pounder with cheese with lettuce and tomato. In other words, a WHOPPER. Back in the 80's, McDonalds still cooked everything fresh but it went to a heated "bin" and the manager would order based on how busy we were. Food waste was HUGE because once the timer went out on what was in the bin, it went to the trash. We didn't have microwaves. If you worked at Burger King, well, that's why I didn't. So a brilliant ass marketer wanted to get in on the quarter pound "deluxe" burger trend but mayonnaise when warmed, sitting in a bin, wouldn't hold up that well. So, they invented a two compartment burger container. We had the meat with the bottom bun on one side and put the dressed cap on the other side. We had to label the generic foam with stickers. The ad line was "Keep the hot side hot, and the cool side cool." It was a great idea and was my favorite sandwich. Of course the condiments were all room temperature anyway, so we used to say "Keep the hot side hot and the cool side WARM".  I think it was out for six months and the ad guys wanted to change the name to something exclusively McDonalds. Therefore the name change to "McD.L.T." Hmmm. That double foam made a good ashtray after you ate your burger. It was a HUGE foam container. Shouldn't it come with BACON? No silly, this isn't a BLT , it's a McDLT!

I remember after the transition, they started a new ad campaign for the new named burger. There was such a glop of McMayo that to put cheese on this was almost a crime.  I liked it with the mayo but liked it better with Mac sauce on it. We couldn't put Big Mac special sauce on anything but a Big Mac. The customer is always right, give them what they want...except when they wanted a squirt of the Mac sauce on a quarter pounder. As crew though, we put it on everything we ate. Some crew would use it for their beef tallow french fries. Remember those? Cooked in beef tallow? Old Coke/New Coke right? Nothing better than a Lettuce & Tomato Special with beef tallow cooked fries with a cold ice filled original Coke and a delicious fried cherry pie. If you worked an 8 hour shift, you got that free. Ahhh, you don't know they joy of making 3.45 an hour, gotta have some perks. I think the McDLT was put to rest when McDonalds said they were getting rid of the foam packing. They tried a deluxe again then they tried a reduced calorie deluxe but nothing stuck. I miss that puss gut burger and why I didn't keep a foam for proof of the madness I'll never know.

Here was something I took pride in. Working at McDonalds had little else to be proud of because the work was so dull. Because I was still in school, I could only work a longer shift on the weekends so on Saturdays and Sundays, I "opened" the store. When I was working grill, that meant setting up breakfast. Turning on the grills, melting the butter, prepping the muffins, that kind of crap. Then we heard we were going to have fresh made biscuits. For a few weeks, I made them as a secondary if needed because the person that made them was always working cashier after we opened. One morning, I was asked to make them before we opened and I did. With the mix and fresh buttermilk, the kneading and the baking, somehow, some way, I was making an exceptionally fluffy biscuit. Every pan, every time, would be tall, and fluffy. For about two months, they came out exactly like that with only one or two that didn't rise as much. Then, they changed the mix, the recipe and the amount of buttermilk. When that happened, my biscuits were like rocks. Almost never much higher than the pan. However everybody else was having similar results. That ended my baking career. This came from my first paper hat and the button was another thing all the crew working mornings had to wear.

New? I don't know what that arrow came from. There's the big purple taste bud flying a plane. We did have pencils to mark things with, and of course they were McPencils. The little finger puppet things were motion photos. You can see Ronald would cover his eyes if you held it at the correct angle.. The little tray? Mommas don't let your babies grow up to be crew. That was from a Playschool McDonalds play set. Fisher Price had the "Little People" play sets all sewn up in the 70's. I even had a camper with an actual TOILET. No kidding. Their little people were SQUARE. They had the same busy box like effects at the Fisher Price stuff. This McDonalds came with a car, people, plus crew. It had a merry go round and a paper fold out parking lot that showed where everything went. It also had a cash register that dinged and it came with several trays that you could shoot out to the counter from the back. You could wedge the trays between the gap between the head and the body of the customers so they could walk out to the lobby with their trays or eat in the car. You will work at McDonalds when you turn 16. You WILL work at McDonalds when you're 16. You will attend Hamburger University and become a shift nugget head. You will wear your uniform to school on Halloween. You will be forever a tool.

Believe me. I have no idea why I have these. Other than the rulers that you used to get for free with advertising on them. Banks, political, McDonalds. As for the Hamburglar toothbrushes? Double mystery unless at one point they were promoting tooth care? Sure have a sundae or a milkshake or an apple pie, but then brush your fangs? McDonalds Slim Fast? Maybe brush your teeth with a Shamrock shake? It's mint flavored right?

Who said we couldn't have fun while we worked? It was all fun until one of these went into a fry vat and they had to close the vat, drain the tallow and deep clean/flush the unit. Hell, it could even ruin the fryer. So that's why these were NOT ALLOWED anywhere but in a box to the customers. I may have received this one when someone discarded it in the lobby or left it to be cleared or even when it was under the booths when we had to scrub the lobby tiles near the floor. It went home and into a box marked "future junk blog post."

Here is the real prize of my collection. Anybody who ate at McDonalds in the late 80's remembers these. "Fast Macs" . In the 80's TOMY was famous for making a ton of little wind up figurines. I remember in the late 70's they came out with a wind up robot that I prized like gold. Simple things for little future nugget heads. All sorts of spring operated crap flooded the market and McDonalds had the idea to put characters on cars. Collect 'Em All. They were a huge hit with the public and with us bored crew. These were all over the place in our break room, but again, off limits near fry vats and the grill. We'd have races and yes, there would be favorites. Was everybody that worked there a nugget head? Pretty much. These were fun little toys. They multiplied and the managers had to put them under lock and key.

My guess is that's why I have multiples of the Big Mac model. I think it was those we raced because the others did tricks. Likely lined with something to make them pop wheelies and spin, but Mac, he flew. Of course I could be remembering that incorrectly. I think when I took these pics a few years ago, I didn't even try them to see if they did what they did, but I do remember they did something or other. My nugget headed-ness only goes so far.

Yes, what we have here is a Fast Mac smash up derby. The Big Mac "Gremlins" have the advantage. The Birdie classic convertible is no match. The Hamburgular roadster may be fast, but fast is no match in a smash up derby. Ronald has the best chance driving a Willys 4 wheel drive. He can run over any of these 'chitboxes.  Sunday Sunday Sunday! We're going to turn the fairgrounds stadium into a giant McMUUUUUDPIT!

Out early is the Hamburglar! The Big Macs are all banging along, Ronald pops his Willys into 4 wheel and is going to do some Mac climbing while Birdie is just trying to keep the others from scratching the paint.  Ohh, one of the Big Macs threw a club! (Inside reference for fellow nugget heads.)  Holy sheit! The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away! Gimmie a Diablo and a Doc. Thank you nice lady. See the USA in your Chevrolet. 

ACCCCK!  (Cathy....) What's that in the sky? Why do we see Jo Swerling Jr. on the screen? It's the little green guys here to beam up all of our convertible VW's. Hey,they have issued a super suit with a manual to one lucky regular of the 80's Perry Mason movies and a FBI agent that ate milk bones and always talked scenarios. Okay, maybe I went to far with that reference. William Katt was pushed. To bad they couldn't clear the original music for the DVD set. Anybody that was haunted by the episode with "Eve Of Destruction" playing from the 27 year old high schooler's ride, you'll know what I mean. At least they got about 70% of the music cleared for the WKRP box set.  Scene. Junk Blog -Ric