Electronics are a good thing. When we were kids, we had to have Magic 8-Balls for this kind of thing. You asked it a question and turned it over and it gave you the answer to a yes/no question or it delayed you with "Ask Again Later". Now all the fun is taken out of owning something that looks like an 8-Ball and is filled with a unknown fluid that fell from space. ("Happy Fun Ball" was made from similar goo, but you CAN taunt the Magic 8-Ball.)

Meet the blurry cheap laser printed cartoon of your soothsayer for the two minutes you use this thing before chucking it into your junk box. It's Madam Zora "The FORTUNE Teller" (or for you French-Canadians reading , Diseuse De Bonne Adveture, or English Mother F**ker, do you speak it?) (*Wink* Martindale) (Enough.) (You know what movie that comes from.) (Samuel L. Jackson was pushed...) (...into a boatload of benjamins.)

See, on the front picture, it looks like her arm is bent upward a bit and behind the "Press Here" ol' Zora over there is giving us the finger. But  here on a cheap laserprinted back of the fortune teller, you have her fingering a massive ball. A blue ball to be sure. "Find Your Destiny." Know Your Future." "Save more money at Menards." "At McDonalds, We do it all for you." "Give Colbert a chance."

Mediums everywhere are quaking in their boots now that 'ol Z gal is in town and giving her predictions for the price of a BUCK at your local dollar store. Best thing is, when you pay that buck, she becomes your SLAVE and she has to answer your questions forever or until her battery runs out. She also doesn't give you the diversification of answers that a real live medium might give you on a 900 line.

No, Z's up to party. She could be a Italian Valley Girl who is drawn like Jeanie and dresses like a Spice Grrrl. "For Sure". Well thank you Moon Unit. "Are you kidding me" No, I just asked. I'm serious as a French Canadian who can't read these answers. "More likely than not" So, you will make out with me Z-Pac? Oh yeah, you're flipping me off. "No doubt" Great band for a great time. Are you an ex-member? "You really want to know?" YES!  YOU STUPID PIECE OF PLASTIC S*IT! OF COURSE I WANT TO KNOW! "Fuggadaboutit." Fuggadaboutit? Fuggadaboutit? I guess they had to put one answer in here for the French speaking people. "Fug-A-Dab-Ou-Teet" What does that mean in French? I proudly flunked French in my third year. The Spanish classes were all full so they suggested French. Gee, which one would have been more helpful to learn?

Wow. I asked it if I'd ever make a ton of money from a blog about my junk and it self destructed. Seriously, will I ever make money off this blog thing ten years late? "More likely than not" YOU POS!  FUG-A-DAB-OU-TEET YOU!!!! Thanks to FAT HANZ (TM) for once again helping make this blog a more likely than not entertainment.

-Ricochet