Games Junk Series #2: Douche'

100_3728.JPGFooled ya, didn't I? It's a game. A man built this. It's Tic Tac Toe Toe with magnets. Yes, everything in this game can stick on your fridge. Maybe they should have marketed it as Tic Tac Toe Yellowed Fungal Toe. That would sell tens. More on the yellow in a moment.

100_3729.JPGThis flashy flash with the crusty dried masking tape gives a view to the purveyors of plastic. Gabriel. Gabriel Industries. They made a ton with a little game called Othello. Don't know much else. Look it up. I'm watching Boston Legal season one and Denny Crane has a broken needle in his head.

100_3731.JPGYou got a board. Plastic. You got a boxy playing field. Plastic. You get magnetic sub floor. Plastic. Then you get plastic circles and squares that all fit into the game board neatly. Each one with a little magnet that flips to a different color if it's placed on the wrong magnet. Holy crap! I'm going to enjoy playing this mess? I hate skill and memory games. I'd hate Othello. This seems to be the major plastic and magnet dump piece with a name that always became DOUCHE.

100_3732.JPGThese all used to be a nice clear color.  They have aged. We all age. I suppose I could buy a bottle of that headlight restorer and get the color back but something I say a lot with this junk collection...why?

100_3734.JPGAhh, when we still had indie game makers, based in the U.S. with all their patents pending, and not selling so why have the patent? Hell, I don't know if they had a hit on their hands with this game. Like anything else "published", few hit, few are respectable, and the rest are cult reads used to prop up tables at coffee shops. Oh yes, did I mention that games like this were "published"? That's what the technical parlance was. The board game, largely paper and required reading to learn how to play, was a "published" game. I don't know. I don't care. Donny Crane.

100_3736.JPGTechnically, this blog uses software that when I finish and want to put this crap on the web for the few of "yewts" to see, I push a "publish" button and my turd is immortalized. I was in a band called "The Immortal Turds" once... tribute too? "Turds Of Misery" (Look up that obscure reference.) So, I'm now going to explain the operation of "DOUCHE." (or flooring techniques to capture the Tin Man.)

First, you have the above board or sub floor or heating vent. Isn't it a pretty piece of non yellowed plastic? So UN recyclable.

100_3737.JPGSo, you need to place the supporting strata down and that's what we've done. Can't walk on a floor with holes, because you fall through to another dimension. The yellow plastic square and circle with magnetic hockey pucks painted orange and white dimension. Holy crap! It's President Trump. Hahahahhaha Just kidding. This isn't some political...moving on....

100_3738.JPGThere. We put the cap on the roller coaster. We put down the laminate. Let's play Tic Tac DOUGH. Where's the dragon when we put a piece on the wrong square. Look at that nice Douche logo on this eternal plastic ice rink. Advertising. Bud. Pizza! Pizza! HOCKEY FIGHT! Whoops, the magnetic puck changed polarity on it's own., that's soccer.

100_3740.JPGThe chess pieces are in place. The players are waiting to tee off. You're asking, so how does it work?


Get four in a row, same color. Tic Tac Toe Yellow Toe. Whoops! These are magnetic yellow toes. The sub floor we put in has tin man catchers that love to flip those toes to a different shade of puck. Clear as mud right?

100_3741.JPGYou don't need to win by having all your same sized yellow toes in a row, you need to have the same colored hockey pucks in a row. The magnets make this a thinking toe's game. If you're not a thinking toe... I didn't ask for this game when I was a kid, it was thrust upon me. Well, this was the game that I played the most with friends because it was easy to learn, easy to play and all you had to have was a memory. It was Husker Du! Do you remember?  Game over, place the yellowed toes on the color to change them back, tear up the subfloor to change their polarity and you've got a purple yellow toe telling you about the side effects of using Douche. I'll stop now. Nonsense should end sometime. No fungus was harmed in the making of this post, but we are vinegar fresh. Smart ass. Think you're so cute when you do a blog entry almost about nothing? Go back to writing unfunny jokes about boltin' bumpers or doing radio promos for an investment advisor just to hear your voice on the radio... Edwin Poole was pushed.