So, I'm back, but who knows for how long. I wanted to bring you some other posts when they strike my fancy or strike my wallet or strike my eyeballs with animated bliss or other assorted crap. So, here is some of the other assorted crap. Are you like me? You simply can't stand buying the CHUB pack of toilet paper and paying $4000 for it.  Who knows when they began requiring a 2nd mortgage to properly cleanse your bum.  Of course, there is dollar store or discount toilet paper. Either you get smaller rolls or the paper doubles as a medium coarse sandpaper, it just doesn't work. Another problem is usually the cheaper brands don't have the strength needed for a morning after all those slightly odd tasting pulled pork tacos. Enter this beauty. Dollar Tree did a service to everybody's ass by coming out with the above. They've had it for awhile, It's not too soft so your fingers don't get a surprise and not too rough that you can take the paint off the old style commode  getting refurbished as a stew pot.  10$ got you way more rolls and sheets than one of the CHUBs. I was telling everybody I know  that this was the best value in poop cleaning technology. Good on ya Greenbrier International. Our asses thank you.

...but...as anyone that has been shopping at the 'Tree for years, when stuff costs a dollar, eventually it's going to go up in material/manufacturing prices causing that dollar price to just not make sense for an acceptable profit  to be made. You either discontinue the product all together or you change the packaging and make it a smaller quantity or start making it elsewhere.  So, we now have new packaging that looks much better but means that we lose...35 Sheets? You know, something tells me...I remember when these rolls were the exact duplicate of the "name brand" that Dollar Tree carried which meant small rolls that couldn't stand up to even a mild wipe. Then they came out with the above. Now it's time to give a little less...but is it really?

If you look at both the old and the new rolls, they seem the same, but the new rolls do seem just a little thicker! What is this ass alchemy? The rolls still cost that George Washington. Would George Washington have used Dollar Tree toilet paper? Er, it would have been called "op" or "outhouse paper" back then. Could he have written a rough draft of the Constitution on such paper while taking a mean colonial powdered ass hair doot?

AHA! Just to see if I wasn't a raving lunatic blogger trying to make a great founding fathers joke, this is not something I'd recommend.  Using toilet paper as a writing tab. The new stuff is on the left and the older stuff is on the right. With a Sharpie marker, I tried to scroll some info on each of the papers, and well, the newer stuff worked better than the older stuff. If I wasn't sitting on several packs of the old tp, I'd try the new stuff in real world trials. Until then... This would be of course the pieces you'd lay out in the toilet to try and avoid the public restroom "splash back" when the payload gets dropped. You know.

The proof is in the rolls themselves. Do you see a difference? Am I Chicken Little for worrying about this issue?  No harm no foul. Better packaging. They say less sheets but then they seem to be a little thicker. Consumer Reports would be proud of me. Hell, I consume lots of these tp rolls. I'm sure there are plenty of the younger set happy that it's still dirt cheap for their festive tree bunting. (Did I say that?) Aha, if they do decide to shrink the rolls even more, I have some suggestions on how they can keep selling. Just add messages! We all like tp that talks to you right? We'd all squeeze the Charmin if they had fun saying on their rolls right?

See? Put some friendly instructions on the roll and you have a real bonus. Especially if you are a restaurant owner. How often do you need to remind your employees to wash after?  They'll do it for sure!

You could put fun games on the tp! Yeah! How many times do you find yourself on the bowl without a smart phone/cell service or any reading materials? How do you pass the time? With Dollar Tree toilet paper! Of course!

Hey! You've had all those stupid receipts with advertisements from businesses that throw their money away on ads on the back? Why not? Of course Dollar Tree would want mostly national brands where the products are available everywhere, but they can do regional runs with local advertisers that have a captive audience right where they need them. Wow. It really was tough to draw on toilet paper. You try to make an "S" in one motion with a Sharpie marker on any grade of toilet paper. Eh. So what did we learn? Dollar Tree toilet paper still the best buy in personal hygiene  but not good for writing the Constitution, even in marker. -Ric